i got a email from my dad telling me that my brother was killed in irag and that he didnt want me to go to his funeral saying when i choose to be gay that i choose to no longer to be part of the family i was doing so good at pretending that everything was fine till thursday when i got another email from him he had written my obituary at the end of it said he was burying 2 sons i dont know part of me was relieved thinking that maybe now he will leave me along he didnt he keep calling me and yelling i dont know way he cant just leave me alone he keeps telling i am not part of the family but then he calls again hes always been like this always taking everything out on us the day i turned 18 i left that house with every intention of never going back he has away of always getting us back right where he wants us except for my sister shes the only one of us who ever stood up to him and turned her back on him i really have tried to stand up to him i just cant and when he yells at me i feel like that kid that was so scared of him growing up i am so afraid right now that i am going to start to drink again i want a drink so bad i have tried to talk to my bf i dont know if he just doesnt understand or just doesnt know what to say or if he just doesnt care i have a bottle sitting on the coffee table for 2 days so far i have talked myself out drinking it where is my bf out parting alcoholism runs in my family my grandpa dad one of my brothers i dont want to be like that again i worked so hard to get clean and to stop drinking right now though i want a drink the times i get this bad is when i have contact with my dad when his been drinking heavy he can be so mean when hes drunk i just cant do this anymore i am so tired of being yelled at and put down and blamed for all his problems when i was growing up we had to be so careful not to upset him if you did he would go into a rage sometimes i dont even know what i did when i was 15 i got messed up with someone 13 years older then me thats when i started to drink and do drugs didnt even try to hide it i got to the point where i was so numb inside that i would upset my dad knowing that i would get hit just so i would feel something when i was 16 i tried to comment suicide cut my writs ended up in rehab while i was there my mom died she had cancer i know i need to cut all ties with my dad its going to be the only way i am going to make it and stay sober i just dodnt know how
I am sorry about your brother and mom, Blake! As for your dad telling you not to go to your own brother's funeral, that's not his decision to make, it's your decision to make. If your dad says you are no longer part of the family, I just find it odd that he would keep calling you. Don't be scared of your dad, dude. You just have to get the guts like your sister did and stand up to your dad. Maybe someday you and your dad can have a nice long talk and patch things up. Tell your dad that your sexuality should not matter and that your still his same son, Blake. Whatever you do, do not start drinking again. It will not solve a thing! Get rid of the bottle. You worked so hard to get clean and stop drinking. I am so proud of you! I hope things get better for you.
Blake, I'm so terribly sorry to hear about your brother. What a terrible and tragic loss that you and your family have experienced. There is no excuse for your father behaving the way he does, but it sounds like he has struggled with alcohol himself, and you have to recognize that this is what his problem is. So while you stare at the bottle on the coffee table, you have to remember that it is the alcohol that is the PROBLEM - it is not the SOLUTION! As someone that has also struggled with addiction, you have to keep reminding yourself of that - the part of you that you don't like, that you want to forget or avoid - is the addicted person. So don't go there! Please. Posting in here is the right thing. Phone a friend. Phone someone you've met through AA - if you've attended. Phone anyone and talk about what you're feeling. I have to leave it at that for now - I'm taking my girls to church soon. I hope it's ok with you if I say a quiet prayer for you and your brother. I wish there was something more I could do... Please let me know if there is. We're all here to help.
Blake, I'm so sorry about your brother. We can't always control the way other people treat us, but you can control the way you treat you and your body. Stay away from the alcohol and don't let your Dad tell you that you can't go to the funeral. There is no excuses for his behavior. Don't write him off yet but don't let him abuse you either. Sometimes losing somebody like this, helps us to realize just how important other relationships are. Call your sister and try to spend some time with her if that is feasable. You need to be with people who love you. Big hugs!
Oh gosh Blake... it was so heart-wrenching to read your post. I'm so sorry. My mum died of cancer last fall and even though I was there, it pretty much destroyed me. I can't imagine not having been able to be there. My first thought was that you should try to get in touch with your sister and see if she can help you out--she has obviously figured out a way to deal with your dad that works for her... maybe she can share that? I don't talk to my dad and haven't for a number of years. He has alcohol issues as well, although I never had to ensure anything like you've described. However, this I do know: if the only way you can deal with him is to carve him out of your life, DO THAT! Do not feel guilty about it, do not hesitate for a moment. I got a lot of grief from my mother and sister and other people over not talking to my dad but you know what? At the end of the day I did what I felt was best for me--I had tried my whole life to make our relationship work and I kept getting hurt and finally I was like, "I cannot DO this anymore... I just cannot do this when he doesn't seem to be willing to make any effort in return." And that was that. I regret very much that it had to be that way but I do not ever regret that I made that choice. Your dad sounds like a very poisonous influence in your life at the moment and while he is your dad, you should not have to suffer for his sins or be the whipping horse for his grief over losing his son. People have more than enough issues of their own to deal with--you shouldn't have to shoulder his on top of your own. I'm sure if he could see the situation clearly he would agree.
i have started to go to aa meetings to get things back on track i have talked to my sister though right now she is stationed in wiesbaden germany
That's really good to hear that you were able to talk to her and also find some more local support. Sounds like you're from quite the military family, huh?
don't worry! everything must work out! it may seem bad, but somehow, somewhere, you will be relieved!
I'm really sorry to read this post, no one should have to go through that. Really, I hope you get better and I hope the AA works out for you. You should get plenty of support there. Good luck
