I decided months ago that I was finally ready to come out to my parents, and this weekend they are finally visiting me, so I am taking this as my chance. Trouble is, I'm rather introverted like Tardis who posted earlier today. Conversations on personal or complicated subjects can be difficult for me. In December I tried coming out to my sister, talked to her for hours, but never quite got there. So this was basically my thought to help get me through it/break the ice: My parents arrive on Thursday evening. After dinner and the evening activities, I plan to give them a letter in a sealed envelope (which is already written) and ask them to open and read it the next morning. I will then meet them somewhere during or after breakfast to talk about it. Does this sound like a good idea? I thought it was for a few reasons: 1. Guarantee that I go through with it. Once they have the letter, it's out of my hands. 2. I make sure that I say everything I want to say. 3. They have a chance to take it in and get through the initial shock which will hopefully lead to a more meaningful and controlled conversation.
It sounds like a great idea. that's exactly what I did with my parents, put the letter somewhere before I went to University and then left. I, like you, despise bringing up topics out of the blue and then talking about them. The letter worked very well and it allowed them to go back and read the words that I wrote. When they did confront me about the contents of the letter, it was very straight-to-the-point and what have you.
I sent my mom a letter just last night for the same reason. I just talked with her an hour ago and it was so helpful to not have to go through the initial explanations and confessions with her. Good luck with your parents!
I did the same thing.. Worked great. My mom had some idea she admitted later though.. But all went well. Good luck to you!!!
Thanks for the responses! Part of the reason that I feel it has to happen this weekend, and hence why I am using the letter to make sure I go through it, is that I have now been in a pretty serious relationship for a year now. He actually moved in with me a few months ago, and we are now looking for a more permanent apartment together. The amount of effort that I have been going through to cover up our relationship, even when my parents are hundreds of miles away, has been getting unbearable. It's made me feel terrible and my boyfriend has been frustrated at how "invisible" he is. It might be a lot to take in both my sexuality and my secret relationship at the same time, but I think it's time to set the record straight. However I'm saving our living arrangement for another time since my parents, though not particularly religious, are fairly conservative.
That can be rough and you should do what feels right. Ultimately you have to put your honesty and truthfulness over their feelings at some point. It sounds like that time is rapidly approaching. I am sure you BF will be relieved to know that you are taking this step forward. And hopefully he will be there to support you no matter what your parents say. I did the letter thing because I simply didn't have the courage not to melt when asked. My mom is a pretty formidable foe when she wants to be and I had no idea how she would react. I think the letter gave us all that opportunity to gather our thoughts before speaking. not sure if this made it smoother or not, but in my case it all worked out.. Good luck and let us know how it goes. Be brave, know that this step is perhaps one of the biggest shows of support for your relationship with your BF you will ever do...
I wish you all the luck in the world, but as people are so often fond of saying, it is out of your hands now. Literally and figuratively... I hope you manage to sleep tonight... I know I was antsy about it between leaving the letter and talking to them later...
Thankfully (in a way), I had a stress-filled 13 hour work day yesterday that pretty much knocked me out. But now I am just anxiously sitting around waiting to hear from them, wondering if and when they are going to open and read it.
So...it really wasn't that bad. My mom said she had figured out almost a year ago around the time I met my boyfriend. Apparently I was really bad at hiding my dreamy infatuation with him. She was just waiting for me to tell her, but didn't want to confront me for fear I would get upset. They didn't talk for very long though and moved onto other things. It didn't seem like they were trying to change the subject, just that they didn't have anything else to say. I expected them to have more questions/concerns, at least wanting to know more about my BF. Does that sound normal? I didn't try to push more discussion because I really was just relieved that they seemed supportive and didn't question me. So glad to have that done. I'm hoping this has opened the window to be more open with them going forward.
Congrats. I don't think it's odd at all. I've had both reactions. Some people want to talk at length about it. Others (tends to be people that figured it out) just let me know it's not an issue and carry on. I'm not sure which I prefer. Short talks seem almost anti climactic.
Congrats! I have so much respect for you guys that make a plan and then almost immediately follow through with it. Glad it worked out great!
