Hey, I'm hoping for some advice if anyone can please. I'm in my mid 30's and have fallen in love with a girl, I've always considered myself straight and in all honesty until now was never even attracted to a girl. Now I've fallen head over heels for this girl and we've been in a pretty serious relationship for about 5 months. Between her and I it has felt comfortable from day 1, when I'm with her it feels like home. I have no doubts about how much I love her and want to share my life with her. The problem is I'm struggling to come out, I have told my mum and sister and to be fair they have both been supportive, but I'm struggling to tell anyone else. It's hard to explain why, it's not a reflection of my feelings for my girl but of my feelings about me an how other people will feel about and act towards me when they know. My girl is not prepared to wait much longer tho, she's had a lot of stuff to deal with in her past and us living in secret is not good for her, she sees it as me being embarrassed of her or not loving her enough but I don't think she is right. Is she? Am I being totally selfish and unreasonable here? I don't want to lose her but I will if I don't tell people soon but if I rush into telling people before I'm ready I'll resent her. Are we doomed?
I've read about plenty of relationships being ruined by one person forcing their partner to come out too soon. Maybe tell her this and see how she reacts. If she still thinks you should come out, evaluate how much the relationship is worth to you. Would you want to go through the process of coming out, still risking losing her anyway, or just give up on the relationship.
Thanks, I've tried that, she says I don't have to tell anybody but that she cannot continue living a lie, we can take a break till I decide what I want but she won't promise that once I've decided she will still feel the same. Thing is I don't know why I am finding it so hard to tell people when at the end of the day she's right, it shouldn't matter to people who care about me!
I don't envy you this predicament. This is actively telling people vs. "being a couple" in public, right? Maybe you could ask her to help you somehow. Practice coming out to perfect strangers first - restaurant hostess "My girlfriend and I would like a table for two", then casual acquaintances - regular Starbucks barista "Hi, this is my girlfriend, Sweet-knees, she'll have a half-caf, low-fat, venti latte", closer aquaintances - hairdresser "my girlfriend thinks I should get bangs", friends "Can Sweet-knees and I bring anything to dinner?" and then Xmas -just bring her! Haha, ok, the last one might be a bit much but maybe by then you'll be ok! Good luck! I'm rooting for you.
