I did something stupid. Need advice...

Hey all. I wasn't originally going to make a thread, but I don't really know what to do. I can't talk to my other friends about it and definitely not my family. I did something really dumb, and it's embarrassing. I thought I'd post it in this section because it's sort of related to my coming out last month (but if it should be moved to another section, feel free).

So I came out to my best friend around a month ago - he was fantastic. Very supportive. Nothing really changed between our relationship at all; we still went to movies, hung out, texted/talked daily, etc. I used to have a big crush on him in high school and even in college, but I had finally gotten over him. Recently, he told me he got a new girlfriend, and I felt a little jealousy kick in and was a little hurt. I was mostly angry at myself for having those feelings since I thought I was over him and had moved on.

He invited me over to his apartment Saturday. We were drinking quite a bit while playing a game, and we were both having a great time. He was sitting directly next to me on his sofa. I think it was around 1am. He just kept playfully punching me in the arm because of things I was doing to him in the game, and he was smiling at me. I don't know what I was thinking, but I leaned over and kissed him. I don't mean a simple little peck on the lips either. I mean, I was basically trying to make out with him. He didn't do anything for a few seconds (I think he was just in shock), but he eventually pulled away and leaned his head in the other direction. I slowly backed away a little, and mumbled, "Sorry." He didn't say anything for a few seconds. Finally, he said he was tired and was going to go on to bed. He said goodnight, then walked from the living room into his bedroom and shut the door. I just sat there for a few minutes running what happened over and over in my head. I eventually got up and went to the guest room he had and got in bed. As you can likely guess, I didn't sleep any. I felt stupid and was pissed at what I did.

I heard him up and moving around early in the morning, so I got up and went out to see him. I was going to apologize again, but before I could even do that, he said he had to go into work for something. He wasn't really looking at me. So I got my stuff, said I'd talk to him later, then left. I went back to my apartment and basically sulked all day yesterday. I sent him a few texts (not about the kiss, but just random stuff), and never heard back from him. I'm pretty sure he lied to me yesterday morning. The entire reason why I went over to his apartment that night to drink and play games was because he was off Sunday. I think he just wanted me to leave. I'm not sure. He finally texted me today, but it was mostly simple and short replies.

I know I did something stupid, but what should I do? Should I wait for him to bring it up? I want to apologize again and tell him I was drunk and it will never happen again.

Thanks for any help you can provide this dumbass. :bang:

 

I was thinking about just sending him a long text message apologizing and all that, but maybe a letter would feel more personal. Hmm.

 

That's a good point. I could always drop the letter in his mailbox or under his door or something. I just want things to go back to how it was before this past weekend.

 

Thanks, your reply made me feel a little bit better. I get into too much trouble when I drink! :bang:

Embarrassed would be an understatement. I was just really in a panic yesterday because he's friendship is very important to me, and the thought of this potentially ruining things... Deep down, I know this won't ruin our friendship really, but it's just something I thought about. Especially while waiting for text replies that never came. :dry:

Thanks for the hug! (*hug*)

Yeah, I guess you're right about not trying to blame the alcohol. Would be easy to just point to that and say "Sorry, I was drunk" (even though that was definitely part of it). I just hope he will forgive me. It will definitely never happen again.

 

Well, I'm going to run by his place tomorrow before he gets off work and drop a letter there. I do hope you're right. I've known this friend for a long time, so I can't imagine this really breaking our friendship. It was still a dumb thing to do, but I think/hope he'll understand and forgive me.

 

Yeah, I'm definitely leaving before he gets home. That's part of the reason why I'm dropping it off before he gets off work.

Thanks! (*hug*)

 

Thanks a lot everyone! (*hug*) A letter seems to be the best advice, so will drop it off tomorrow. And yeah, I'll leave before he gets home. I wouldn't want to just be standing there as he's reading it... That'd be a bit awkward, I think. :dry:

I guess I should prepare for him not responding to my letter immediately. He'll likely need some time to think about it. He actually texted me around 20 minutes ago telling me about something that happened with him today which is more than he's texted me the past 2 days combined. Maybe he's slowing getting over what happened. Obviously, I'm still going to drop the letter off tomorrow because I want it to be said and apologize again.