I’ve finally found a label that feels like I’m being true to myself, lesbian, and I want to come out to my best friend. But, how should I approach coming out to her? (To make this easier I’m going to call her X in this post.) The next time we see each other I’m planning on telling her on a walk, but I just don’t know how to tell her. I’m rather worried about how she’s going to react. Heres why: 1. I don’t think she’ll believe me and that she will be mad that I lied to her. I have always had strong platonic attraction toward men, and in the past and I confused these feelings for crushes. I didn’t accept that these feelings weren’t romantic until very recently, mid May I think. However, I often felt that my “crushes” were forced, and I did tell her a couple of times that I felt this way, but she just brushed it off. I've had a total of 4 “crushes” on guys that I have talked to her about quite extensively. And although, my feelings of caring towards those fine gentlemen has been genuine, my denial was so deep that I convinced both her and myself that those feelings were much more intense then they actually were. I didn’t even think that I might be a lesbian until this February. Before then I thought I was a hetero-romantic asexual, and I even came out to X. But, when I told her she was extremely skeptical, and even though she didn’t say anything, I know she didn’t believe me. So how am I supposed to help her see that I’m gay when she doesn’t even think its possible that my attraction towards men is different than hers? I honestly have no clue as to how she’s going to react. And even though she’s said she’s not homophobic, she told me she feels distanced from her lesbian cousin because they can’t bond over guys.:dry: So I really just don’t know . . . 2. I think I might be in love with her, or at least have a crush.:icon_redf So first off I in no way want to tell her of my true feelings for her. Even though it would be a dream come true if it turned out she liked me too, that is never going to happen. She is so straight, so straight. Undoubtedly, when I come out she’s going to want to talk about who I'm crushing on, but how am I supposed to dodge that bullet? There are a few other girls who I like that I can talk about, but any advice on coming out to someone you like would be greatly appreciated.
I don’t think she’ll believe me and that she will be mad that I lied to her. Coming out is about letting people know, not about convincing people. You don't have to prove anything, if she doesn't believe you it is ENTIRELY her problem and you have every right to be annoyed with her about it. If she thinks you've lied to her, then again, it is her problem, not yours. As for this idea of bonding over guys...I'm sorry, but unless she has a genuine mental health issue, there is NO REASON she should only be able to bond with people over guys. If there is nothing else you have in common why are you even friends. Sorry, that sounds really harsh, but honestly it just sounds like she is using that as an excuse to justify what is essentially homophobia. when I come out she’s going to want to talk about who I'm crushing on, From what you've said, I really don't think she's going to want to know details...I mean obviously I could be wrong, but she clearly wasn't interested in her cousins love life...
I have the same kind of fear with my friends not really believing me because I haven't really had crushes on guys but my friends and I read a lot and we've talked about how awesome the guys in that are and I don't know if they'll really believe me. I just suppose you have to hope that she believes you
Just my piece of advice, it might or it might not be useful: When I came out to the guy friend I came out to (my situation is a bit different as I am not attracted to this guy), he asked me who in school I'd want something with (in other words, crushes). I just kinda dodged the bullet and said that I wasn't really comfortable revealing that much yet plus a little lie: I said that I tried to have no crush and had none right now because I didn't want a straight crush. That was a little lie but I did it so I wouldn't feel uncomfortable...
