I came out to my dad in the car today. I've been hiding the fact that I liked girls my entire life, I've been harbouring so many emotions including guilt, helplessness, hopelessness and frustration for so many years. I was depressed for a number of years dealing with the fact that I wasn't the little girl my parents wanted me to be. I know for a fact my mother is quite homophobic, she's made remarks in the past indicating her stance very clearly. Recently I got out of a long term relationship with a girl who i had been dating behind my parents back, I guess I was always scared of what they would do if they found about us and I kept it secret for longer because of that. Today I was at work and all of a sudden everything just clicked. what the fuck am I doing hiding away from my parents and living a complete lie to them. How am I supposed to grow as a person when I am harbouring so many emotions and untold words? So I officially did it. Unfortunately, my dad told me not to tell my mother because she would crack and that they would have marriage troubles if she knew he knew before her. I was planning on telling them both today but my dad stopped me, and now i feel even more shit. I really don't know what to do now or how much longer I can hold onto this without telling my mother.
The first thing is to focus on the positive rather than the negative, because telling one parent is no small thing and you have done it. Don't you dare beat yourself up for not telling them both in one day. I think it was unfair of your Dad to suggest keeping quiet for the sake of his marriage to your Mum. He shouldn't have put that on you. Anyway, it sounds like he is not going to say anything to her. Would it be an option to get both of your parents together and come out to them at the same time (in the case of your Dad, a second time)? He would need to 'act' as though he didn't already know, but it should help him with his marital concerns and you with coming out to both if that can be arranged. You've obviously been through the mill with your feelings and really want to do this, but you say your Mum is homophobic. How would you cope with a backlash from her? Would it make things worse for you? Just remember, you have done today, what some people put off for years.
Sounds more like you need to tell her right away, if it would cause your dad problems to know about you sooner than your mom. Her dealing with it would be a different problem. You should not hold it in if it is making YOU feel bad to keep the secret; they have to deal with their own problems with it, and there are PFLAG sources you can point them to in that regard. Hope you are able to get this out of the way soon, as it is obviously troubling you.
