How do I stop being so "cold"?

1, yes
2. accept yourself and just try to relax and BE YOURSELF
3. try and talk with people, if your shy just wait for a topic that you like to come up in conversation and HAVE AT IT

 

oh just try to find things in common

 

Does your college have any hang out areas? Like a lounge or something? Or do you ever go to parties? You can potentially meet new people in those areas and spark up a conversation.

 

I know how you feel about parties... I always had to force myself to go. :lol:

I'm basically Liz Lemon from 30 Rock: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9U78NbX9ro

:lol: :lol:

I do think you should try to go to some parties this coming year!

 

I gave up the people who did not enrich my life, quit my morally draining job, and went on my search for who I really was. I'm way less deep in depression, stopped caring about my weight and focused on health instead, and know I am now ready to let the right person in. I could not have done this before. If something does not threaten my life and happiness, or if I can't do anything about it, I put it out of my mind. I do not say I hate something, rather, love something else. Now ask yourself- "what makes me happy?"

 

Dude. We're the same person! (DUN DUN DUNNNNN) Jk. lol

but seriously, I was always a fun kid growing up, I didn't care who liked me or not, I was so happy and loved my family, but growing up I realized I wasn't as Macho enough to hang out with friends, I was never excluded, it is just how I observed their habits and such.

I grew up hiding my excitement and enthusiasm for things because I never wanted to be seen as a wuss or something. So I grew up with this mask starting in high school and then on, I turned away potential friends in the process.

Now that I am out of college classes off campus, I just don;t know how to interact as much i social scenes, it is hard, especially while still closeted. But I have met a few people with sharing similar interests. Joined a couple clubs, we didn't hang outside of the clubs to anything, but something that is kinda holding me back for reaching out to people was I need to be me, but I don't exactly know how to be me. So I missed out on opportunities.

Like that gay dude on V for Vendetta
"You wear a mask for so long, you forget who you were beneath it."

Plus your situation of being labelled 'cold' reminded me of this song and I relate to this song also when I feel so.
Crossfade - Cold (Lyrics) - YouTube

We're all in this together, man.

 

Being raised conservatively as I have, it was expected of me to put on a smiling face and "fake it til I made it" basically. That's part of why coming out is so hard for me because I've been acting all these years and started to believe my own lies. I try to loosen up by telling jokes and being funny.

For me, part of my problems center on bullying flashbacks. I see good looking people. I'd love to be able to go up and randomly talk to them, but I don't want to be called a loser or anything. My internalized homophobia caused me to look away from guys. I am changing that gradually, but I don't want to take it to the other extreme and gawk like a perv.

 

I would totally have fallen into the same group as you at that age. It has taken me quite a bit longer than I am willing to admit, to turn it around. I started with a very small group of people that I actually cared about. We were the original 3 musketeers.. hehehe The friends quality was and still is more important than the quantity. After a while, our circle grew. I got over a bit of my wall as we shared many of our hopes and dreams without criticism for each other. The reciprocation of respect is a huge part of it. Learning to laugh at yourself, and laugh with others at themselves as well was an amazing revelation. If you screw you, OWN IT. But don't dwell on it. The regret will eat you up and prevent you from moving forward. If you take a step back, just keep trying to move forward. Failed relationships were HUGE steps back for me.

Around the time I was 30 or so I discovered that my very close group of friends encompassed this amazing assortment of people. I jumped in a threw a party at my place. I was nervous as hell and worried it would be a bust. Well, it wasn't and when I went out to the patio to discover naked people in the spa joking and having a good time, I realized that I have overcome my self inflicted wall keeping people out.

FWIW.. I still throw those parties, but gave up the house with the spa... I still have social anxiety and get nervous meeting my friends for dinner. I know its irrational, but dealing with it head on seems to work better for me than repressing it... One thing I found is simply going up and introducing yourself. Some people will be warm and friendly and others won't be. Treat it like a video game, sometimes you win and sometimes it is just practice for when you win...

 

I feel like this is such a broken record response--but for me the way I overcame the situation you're talking about (and it was me to a tee) was to come out. The fact that it finally overcame this aspect of my personality is probably the thing that benefited me the most--well, all the mansex is pretty good too.:icon_wink I didn't really realize until I stopped that I had always held everybody at a distance because I was afraid they would find out. The ironic thing, in my case, was that once I came out and stopped all that holding everything genuine in, for the most part people still didn't think I seemed all that "gay" in a "non-gay" setting. All that rigid control had just been a total waste. There really wasn't much else to it. Once I came out to everyone I stopped hiding and these aspects of my personality really just faded away. They had never really been me to begin with. I remember my family commenting that it was like I became a totally different person (in a good way)--I was finally really there.

I guess it seems to me like in your post you already know the answer. If you want to be less cold you have to be more genuine and share yourself with the people around you. You can only really do that once you're willing to really do that--and for me that definitely meant coming out. I'm fairly certain I couldn't have overcome it without doing so...

 

I am much the same. People call me 'shy', 'aloof', 'closed'. I trace this back to a few experiences in high school of being shamed and questioned about my sexuality. I would be more flamboyant if being gay was more accepted, but I shut myself down. I don't think this is entirely effective and I do give off a gay vibe, but it protects me from those nasty people who can make hurtful comments. I have no doubt this has a negative affect on my social life and happiness. I think I have actually lost touch with myself in some ways, what I really want and what I really think because I have been working on hiding myself for so long. The sad thing is it's probably only a small % of people who are nasty about it to my face once I come out, so at the moment I'm living my life for them to avoid their disapproval.

 

Eh, I am the same way. Guess its from being so closed up about things for too long. I don't feel the need to talk beyond what is needed and when I do talk it is short answers. I never talk about personal things. I have been called emotionless and cold before.

But when I played some games online it was like I could really be myself! It felt really good.. *sigh*

 

So when I read your postings on here and look at your wall, you come across as anything but cold. Actually, you come across as quite personable and friendly.

Now, I know there is a difference between written communication and oral communication, but would you say you project yourself differently on here? If so, why do you think that might be?