My coming out letter to my parents that I have typed so far....

Your thoughts are greatly appreciated.

Rough draft of come out letter:


IF YOU KNEW ME, WOULD YOU REALLY LOVE ME????

***Before beginning to read, please agree to read this entire document***

This is going to be one of the most difficult things to express, but it has to be said. I am sick of being in the shadows about this because I am done acting. This is not a joke and not a game. This is not done to make your life more difficult or to create drama. I am still a Christian but cannot deny who I am.

I will just come and say it(or type it), I'm bisexual. I have liked guys and girls from the age of 12. Remember how I wanted to skip swim class and change in the small bathroom when in school? Maybe you don't, but I did it out of concern for my own safety. I didn't want to “get caught” looking at other guys as I had done. You know how I was made fun of and called “gay”.Well, they were partly right. Somehow, those in my class knew.

As far as changing my orientation because I know you probably want me to change, I do not feel that I can. This is not a path that one would “choose” on their own. It is long and lonely. Why do you think I have been so anxiety driven recently? Why do you think I have lacked so much confidence over the years despite working my butt off to be salutatorian in high school and completing my BBA in college. I am sick and tired of being driven by guilt!

Christianity is about love and should not be guilt based. Mom, I know you of all people would agree with me given the environment in which you were raised. Christ commands us to love one another; it is the greatest commandment for a reason. John's {not really name, name redacted} play about loving gay people in the church "{play name redacted} has inspired me to be real with who I am and the dangers of hiding. I don't talk or like to think about it often, but there were times of very deep depression in high school. The bullying took me to some horrible places in my mind. I was very blessed that God gave me the strength to live, I'm not sure how. I think it was through your support. Now, I am asking for it to continue. I am not asking for agreement(although I would prefer it but know that is not likely). Whether you agree with me or not, I deserved to be loved.

Furthermore, it is important to note I am still your child. I guarantee you that I have not lost all my morals in all this. You have raised me to know right from wrong. My conscience is intact. I am still an honest person who loves God and his family. I still care and respect you both. As your child, I feel that sexuality was always something that was too tabboo to talk about. I never felt that opening up to you was possible given how you always talked about homosexuals and homosexuality. This is why I have waited so long to open up to you.

 

It's not going to be for a few weeks at least. I appreciate all the feedback. I just feel like there is more I could add, but I am having writer's block.

At 13, I was still figuring myself out even though I feel the same way I do now. You have time, no rush. I am older, and it's kind of a now or never type thing.

 

Yes, I will. Thanks.

My dad is and was a very controlling man. There was physical and verbal abuse in the home despite the fact that he loved me. I am hinting at that without trying to mention it specifically.

Yeah, I am going to add a final paragraph including that I think.

Yes, I think I will add more about that.

 

Yeah, my mom is going to be saving grace in this one I think. My cousin(on my mom's side) was disowned by my aunt after she came out as lesbian. She had a health concern, and my mom helped her through it. Then, it seems like my mom has been more socially aware about things despite being conservative like caring about kids getting clean water in Africa and child prostitution in Asia.

Dad on the other hand is Jekyll and Hyde. One minute he takes you out for lunch, the next he will be berating my mother for going out that day and spending too much time away from the house.

 

I am afraid they will think this is a "phase". I've been out of work since October and been battling dizziness/headaches since then. I want them to realize these feelings have been here for awhile. I have acted pretty asexual around my mom and dad because of how prudish they are about sex. This is definitely one thing I won't cut out of the letter but thanks for the feedback.

 

Revised:

IF YOU KNEW ME, WOULD YOU REALLY LOVE ME????

***Before beginning to read, please agree to read this entire document***

This is going to be one of the most difficult things to express, but it has to be said. I am sick of being in the shadows about this because I am done acting. This is not a joke and not a game. This is not done to make your life more difficult or to create drama. I am still a Christian but cannot deny who I am.

I will just come and say it(or type it), I'm bisexual. I have liked guys and girls from the age of 12. Remember how I wanted to skip swim class and change in the small bathroom when in school? Maybe you don't, but I did it out of concern for my own safety. I didn't want to “get caught” looking at other guys as I had done. You know how I was made fun of and called “gay”.Well, they were partly right. Somehow, those in my class knew.

It is important to know that this is not a phase. I have been lonely for a long time and need companionship. My hope is certainly to marry a Christian man or woman. I am unsure of how things will look in the future, but there are never any guarantees in life. I have prayed over this with God deeply and am at peace with this. By living openly and honestly with you, it will help me love someone with full heart and soul and further my independence on MY journey in life.

As far as changing my orientation because I know you probably want me to change, I do not feel that I can. This is not a path that one would “choose” on their own. It is long and lonely. I cannot just live as straight to make anyone happy. Why do you think I have been so anxiety driven recently? Why do you think I have lacked so much confidence over the years despite working my butt off to be salutatorian in high school and completing my BBA in college. I am sick and tired of being driven by guilt!
Christianity is about love and should not be guilt based. Mom, I know you of all people would agree with me given the environment in which you were raised. Christ commands us to love one another; it is the greatest commandment for a reason. John's play about loving gay people in the church “[play name redacted]” has inspired me to be real with who I am and the dangers of hiding. I don't talk or like to think about it often, but there were times of very deep depression in high school. The bullying took me to some horrible places in my mind. I was very blessed that God gave me the strength to live, I'm not sure how. I think it was through your support. Now, I am asking for it to continue. I am not asking for agreement(although I would prefer it but know that is not likely). Whether you agree with me or not, I deserved to be loved.

Furthermore, it is important to note I am still your child. I guarantee you that I have not lost all my morals in all this. You have raised me to know right from wrong. My conscience is intact. I am still an honest person who loves God and his family. I still care and respect you both. As your child, I feel that sexuality was always something that was too tabboo to talk about. I never felt that opening up to you was possible given how you always talked about homosexuals and homosexuality. This is why I have waited so long to open up to you.

 

Thanks for all the help, Mirko. I think subconsciously I am not assertive with my parents because they were so dominant. I think psychologically it is why I get off on watching bdsm porn because I am used to not being in control. Sorry to get so blunt, but I am still working out some of my own issues as you can see.

I am planning on reading this letter to them out loud in person and giving them a copy while I read. My aunt has agreed to be with me when this happens.

I also have a copy of that play on DVD to give them which I think might help.