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I'm intetested in a friend but don't know how to come out to him

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by daGiraffe, Jun 4, 2014.

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  1. daGiraffe

    daGiraffe
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    Hi guys/gals,

    I know that I am in some way bi and I have a crush on a friend of mine. This crush on him I think I've had for well over a year but I'm honestly not sure how he will react. So far there's only one person other than myself that knows about my sexuality(me and he is a good friend of mine and a friend of my crush. As for my crush, I think he is bi-curious but I'm honestly not 100% sure on it. Another problem is that I think people believe that I'm a neutral and/or serious guy, while my crush is far more talkative and has a far more upbeat personality. My biggest fear Is that that my friend who knows I'm bi could react negatively if I confided about my crush, but I would still rather talk to him about it before anyone else.

    I really don't know how to go from here, but if I don't then I'm afraid of this hanging on to me for a long time. So my big question is, well, where do I go to from here?

    Thanks for at least reading it,
    DaGiraffe

    P.S At the moment I'm in year 9 in high school as of now, if it helps.
     
    #1 daGiraffe, Jun 4, 2014
  2. Hyaline

    Hyaline
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    As you know, navigating HS friendships and relationships is a tough thing.

    What does this mutual friend think? have you asked that person? Why do you think he is bi-curious? Have you given him any indication that you might be interested in him? or have you been watching him from afar trying to figure out how to approach him?

    As far as the difference in your personalities, I wouldn't worry about that. They say opposites attract. I tend to be pretty serious most of the time, but I occasionally have a silly streak. My other half is way more social than I am and while we tend to approach social situations differently, we get along just fine. You never know until you try.

    I would talk to this mutual friend and feel out the situation first if you can. Work on finding out if he is bi/gay/straight and that should give you the knowledge of whether he might even be interested at all..
     
    #2 Hyaline, Jun 4, 2014
  3. daGiraffe

    daGiraffe
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    I have not asked him personally. However, from him giving out clues (not just mucking around, I mean actual ones) to his sexual orientation I am fairly sure that he is not straight. As for giving indication that I am interested, I don't know how to do so, considering he is almost almost always around people and if I were to give him any sign of it rather than asking to talk in private people would probably catch on, and I don't want that to happen just yet.

    I'm sorry if I sound clueless as of now but I just don't know what to do first.
     
    #3 daGiraffe, Jun 4, 2014
  4. Hyaline

    Hyaline
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    You sound cautious. Which is fine. Perhaps txting him or starting up a conversation might be one way to talk to him without drawing attention to both of you acting abnormally..

    You could always go the secret admirer route and simply leave him an anonymous message tell him that you are interested but not being specific who you are. Maybe something like "I know you and I wanted to say that I think you are really cool, but I am one of your male friends and I don't want to put you on the spot or make it awkward. But I think you are cool and would like to get to know you as more than friends. I don't really feel comfortable telling everyone about myself so that is why I am asking you directly." or something along those lines. If you can do so without him knowing who it is (random gmail account perhaps?) that might give you an opening. If he writes back and says he isn't gay or isn't interested in any of his friends, then leave it alone and get over it. But keep it anonymous and never mention it. If he answers favorably. Maybe give him a clue.. "I'll be wearing a blue shirt with a star on it tomorrow" or some such..

    Don't be a dick and tease him unless he plays along.

    Or just go out and ask him. Pass him a note...send him a text and just ask him. Depending on how he responds will be what you should do next..

    Good luck!!!
     
    #4 Hyaline, Jun 4, 2014
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