Hello all. I'm a 22 year old college student, living at home with my parents. I have a girlfriend at the moment and I am honest to god in love with her. She is amazing. I have always questioned my sexual orientation, though. My first EVER sexual encounter was with a man, a friend. I gave him oral sex when I was 17. I've never been in a romantic relationship with a man. Nor have I ever developed romantic feelings for a man. But men do in fact, turn me on. I find myself staring at attractive guys and even being nicer to more attractive men. My father comes from a military background and is very vocal about his dislike for homosexuals. Which makes things even harder. The fact that I would be received with nothing but disapproval makes me think that its the reason I never had a relationship with a man. I've been attracted to men since high school, hung out with guys who I had a ton of fun with, had a lot in common, and was attracted to. I never liked the idea of hiding it thought so I never proceeded to try a romantic relationship with a man. So I don't know if I could develop those feelings for a man. Sometimes, when having sex with my girlfriend, I wish it was her penetrating me instead. I love the feelings of anal penetration, and I find myself turned on by men. What confuses me is that I've never had a "crush" on a male. And that women turn me on as well. Thanks in advance for anyone who can help, Ill provide more info if necessary.
On our approach to our sexuality heavily influenced by the education and place where we grove up. Maybe due to this reason you hide your sexuality very deep - like me.
Our environment tends to influence how we see ourselves. So your reaction of "i could never love a man" is certainly understandable. But then again, it could be your are sexually attracted to them but have no emotional attachment to them. They are two different things, but for most people we accept them as a single lump. Guys tend to be visually stimulated. Without being too clinical about it. It might be that you get aroused seeing others get aroused. The question gets asked on here "I found myself masturbating to gay porn, does that make me gay?" The answer is typically "well, do you see yourself having a relationship with a man or is it you get turned on by the porn itself?". Truth is, only you will know. If you have some alone time, you could experiment and see what your reaction is. Imagine both sexes and rather than force it, let your mind wander and see where that takes you. Porn works too for this, but I would probably say stick to your own imagination than relying on someone else's visuals... In your case, if you love your GF and your bond with her is strong, I would focus on that. You wouldn't sleep around with another girl because of your relationship. I don't think sleeping with another guy would be any more or less excusable..
