I decided to come out to my mom this morning. She was in a really good mood. We were talking about when I get married in the future and what it will be like. She said that I have to hurry up and meet someone because she doesn't want me wasting my life. I told her that I worry she won't like who I marry. Her response, "Is it with a girl?" I said yes and that I'm gay. She starts screaming at me "You're not gay! So you lied to me for the last ten years!" When I was younger I told her I was gay but I guess she always hoped it would go away. She asked me who I told. I named the few people that know and told her they were fine with it. She was horrified, yelling "I can't believe you told people! Why? Why are you doing this to me? I don't want a lesbian daughter!" She said I have to move out because she doesn't want to have "that lifestyle" under her roof. She is going to at least help me find a place and help me furnish it. She's letting me stay for now to make more money. I know it's a little weird that I still live at home at my age but for the most part, my mom and I get along very well and I have had my own basement suite so we are not in each others hair. I'm really scared though. She also said she will never accept it and I have ruined her life. She says she still loves me though. I had hoped that after all these years she would be more accepting, guess I was wrong. I thought she was changing a bit because in the last few years she has watched a few gay and lesbian movies with me, most recently The Normal Heart. I even found her watching a lesbian movie by herself last night. So I thought that meant something. But as usual, she doesn't care if someone else is gay, as long as it's not me. She said she feels betrayed. She said things like "Why should I be okay with it? Would you be okay if I was a drug addict!" I don't feel liberated and free. I want to crawl in a dark hole and never come out. I wish I hadn't told her. Sorry for the long post.
Your mom is a real drama queen, trying to make her homophobia your fault, and herself a victim of it. Keep your perspective and move out to a place where you can be yourself without all the theatrics. You were honest, she is acting silly, good that you got it over with and can now move on, even if the situation seems overly dramatic right now. Find a good roommate and start living your life guilt free. Suggest that since she doesn't want you around, she can rent the basement suite out and use the money to help you get started.(*hug*)
Just remember, you're a brave, strong person and you should still be proud of yourself for coming out. The fact that she reacted like that is awful, and it's not going to be the way many others will/would react.
(*hug*) But you are free. Her berating you is her beginning the 5 steps of loss. Not everyone goes through the steps at the same pace. While it isn't fair for her to project onto you, you have to understand she feels hurt and lied to. While not your fault that she didn't recognize the signs, she still has to deal with that emotionally. She might never be "ok with it". But the fact that she is working with you to find a new place to live is a good thing. it means she still cares enough to know that you are safe. She might be one of those people that just can't deal with it "in her face". That gesture however small, is a good indication that she'll work through this. While not conclusive proof, give her the time and space she needs to process this. But get your butt in gear and work towards finding your own place. Don't wear out your welcome with your mom any longer than you need to. Once on your own you will find that you can breathe easier. Even if you just move next door. There is an amazing transformation that happens once you walk out the door. Good luck and let us know what happens... (*hug*)
Thanks for all the positive messages. It means a lot. It will be a while before I actually move out because I have been off work for the last 5 months due to illness and last year for 4 months for the same issue. The second time around I can't collect EI so my bank account is extremely low. I'm doing a lot better health wise and I'm going back to work next week. Since I graduated high school, I have been paying my mom rent. I just feel so alone now I want things back to the way they were. I wish I wasn't gay.
Being who you are is in NO WAY your fault, i know you feel hurt now but, just think of how free you would feel once you leave her house, let that give you strength in this troubled time (*hug*), but um im wondering what about your dad?
(*hug*) I don't know what I can say that could help besides I am here for you. Keep your head up x And don't you dare say you wish you weren't gay! C'mon woman! Being a Lesbian is the best thing in the world! It may not seem like it now but it is what makes us unique.
That is such a sad statement. I'm so sorry you're going through such a bad time. I wish you health and happiness in a hurry. (*hug*)
. She also said she will never accept it and I have ruined her life. If your mums life was so terrible it could be ruined by something like this, then I'm sorry to say that her life was ruined anyway.
Its okay.. its normal for parents to react in such manner sometimes.. not their fault totally.. its easy for them to accept homosexuality but gets impossible to accept the fact when it comes to their own children. she'l grow ok with it.. just give her some time and you too take some time to figure out things. dont feel low.. if she thinks you should move out then there is nothing wrong with it... you anyway had to move out someday... so now is the time. afterall she is your mom.. let her take her own time to deal with it.
Thank you My dad is not a part of my life... new wife, new life. ---------- Post added 5th Jun 2014 at 09:14 AM ---------- I'm feeling better today. Neither of us is bringing it up which is fine by me. My mom is in a pretty good mood today. We're laughing and joking. I know she needs time. I won't give up on her. I need her to see me as the daughter she has known forever instead of only seeing my sexuality. There is a very good chance I won't have to move out. I mean, yes, one day I want to leave, when I get into a committed relationship. And my one friend is definitely going to Pride with me in August! And I talked with her mom and she was very supportive too, as well as all of you.
XG so glad you're feeling better today and that you and your mom are still talking! Just give her some time to process... and that's awesome that your friend and her mom are supporting you! Stay strong and hang in there (*hug*)
Thanks Silas Today we were talking about something and my mom said "That's something you and your husband discuss." So I think she is just sweeping it under the rug. I would rather her do that than yell or not talk to me. I can kind of understand her reluctance to accept it. She comes from a family of no boys except for my cousin, so I know that she really wants a son-in-law.
Yep, so everything my mom wants rests on my shoulders. But I've come to terms with the fact that I can't live the life my mom wants. I hope she will eventually be okay with it. She doesn't have to like it. I don't expect her to read a bunch of books on having a gay daughter or join PFLAG. I just want her to not hate it.
