I'm 18 years old and I'm still closeted. I figured I was gay from actually quite a young age and I've personally never had a problem with it or hated myself for it. Long story short, I am not necessarily worried about having negative reactions because I know the people in my life well enough to guess how they'll react. I am just worried about causing awkwardness. I've always seen 'coming out' as something strange because to me it seems like you're merely telling someone "I'm attracted to the same gender" and it feels like that's pointless information. My plan has always been to slowly out myself to people as soon as I became entirely independent so that if there are negative reactions I will have no need to keep that in my life. Recently I've become sick of keeping it in, and while I don't want to scream it to the world, I would like to express it so I can pursue relationships and stop keeping it bottled up. I will be starting uni next September and my plan was to begin coming out then. I'm not sure if I can (or should) wait until then. Even if I did come out sooner, I'm really not sure how I would go about it. I would be fine telling my close friends but I wouldn't want it to spread to anyone that I haven't told. If it got to my parents I'd be really embarassed and feel awkward. Is there any advice you could give to help me?
For some people it will be totally strange and foreign for them. You'd be totally changing a huge part of what they assume or think they know about you. You can expect some people to be distant for a bit, others will embrace it, and others might even say "well yeah, we knew, bout time you told us"... Truth is, only you know the right time. Many on here have struggled to find the right time to come out. Some do it at an early age and some wait till they are later in life. It depends on where you are and your circumstances. The best thing you can do is worry about your safety first. If for some reason you live at home and your parents toss you out, then have a support system in place to help if you need it. Being away at Uni will help broaden your horizons... It will give you a chance to meet new people and give you the option of becoming more open about who you are. Generally I've found that if I ask people to keep it to themselves, they do. But being that everyone at Uni will be strangers, it might be time to explore who you are in a more open fashion.. My advice is wait for the right time for YOU. Be honest and be brave and stay safe... Everything else is gravy..
You say you would be embarrassed if your parents found out. This suggests that you are feeling that there is something wrong about your being gay for which you feel shame. You might want to work on these feelings and see if you can reach a state where you are more comfortable with your sexuality before telling them. There is nothing "wrong" about being what you are born to be; your parents should know that and be accepting of who you are, but if they aren't when you tell them, then you at least need to be happy with yourself and self-accepting, so that you can be strong and firm in telling them who you know you are. If you don't think that telling them will risk the funding of your education, then it would probably be a good idea to get this done before your leave for school, so that they don't think that you "went bad" because of something that happened to you after you left home. That way, you can start fresh and authentically in the Fall at college, being open from the beginning, knowing that you have your family's support from home.
