Alright.. Well I guess I will start from the very beginning. My first day of middle school in my home room class.. I was a really out going, cocky kid and had a good bit of friends. Wasn't a prep, more of the 'punk'/'gangsta' kinda guy. Welp anyways. My first day in class I met a girl named Angela. I called her 'Angel' for short because I thought she was the prettiest person I had ever seen in my life. Needless to say I fell immediately in 'puppy love' with her. A week later I get the courage to talk to her, she was a prep and way out of my league (so I thought). Well we became pretty good friends and talked on the phone for hours.. Never dated though, I always had a girlfriend at the time. But over time we certainly created a solid emotional level of 'love'(?) for each other. Mk.. Welp. Fast forward a bit (7 years). We have had sexual relations (numerous times) and sex once, this was before I started questioning my sexuality. I thought I liked things with her, maybe I was even trying to 'prove' to myself I liked girls, not guys. Who knows what I was thinking, maybe I was just some horny teen looking for some action (most likely). We stopped talking for a little while, she had some medical problems, I had my own personnal demons to deal with... 9 years later. Now. Current day. I looked her up on myspace because I hadn't seen her in a long time. I was missing my best friend I suppose, since I've moved I haven't really met anyone so I guess I was looking for someone to talk to. Welp, I sent her out a message and she responded. Now we have been sending messages back and forth for a few days now and it seems she still like.. loves me. She always tells me I'm the 'one that got away'. I don't know how to respond to this. I know I say I'm bisexual, but I'm totally leaning more towards guys now.. and I'm not attracted to her anymore. Sure, I love her. But totally in a platonic friend level. She is like... my best friend for life. She even talks about... marriage and moving up to where I am. I know what is going to be said. Just tell her I'm not interested. Eh. It is totally not that simple. And telling her I'm gay is out of the question. She wouldn't understand. I mean I've slept with her! Let me put it this way, if I asked her to marry me right now... She would definately say yes. I'm not trying to flatter myself, it actually makes me really sad. I do love her. A lot. I just don't know what to do. :tears::tears: -EDIT- Over the 2 years I skipped to now, we have talked on and off. Like every... month or so.
You're right Jebs it does sound like the whole complete truth up front may be a little too much for her. Especially if she's feeling a little vunerable at the moment, don't want to make her feel used. However, you do need to set some sort of limit, so that she clearly knows where she stands and so that she's not being lead on at all (unintentionally of course). Just try and find some way to make it clear to her that she's a really good friend but that you don't see anything else coming of it. Perhaps then you can work on telling her you like guys a little down the line, once she gets used to the idea that she;s not going to marry you. Hope this helps just a little.
Be honest because if you aren't honest now it's just going to hurt more when the truth comes out. I know you don't want to hurt her or ruin your friendship but it really is better that you do it now. What if she packed up everything and moved closer to you thinking there was going to be a relationship only to be disappointed. The sooner you're honest the better. If she is truly a friend she will be a little hurt but be supportive anyway. Good luck!
If you think it's awkward to tell someone that you're gay after sleeping with them once... Try telling someone you're gay that you've been married to for 9 years!!!!! I know if doesn't make it any easier for you, but it really won't be the end of the world for her. You've moved away, you've only recently added her to Myspace, you've never really dated. She needs to know the truth now rather than having her longing for you while you know you're not available to her. You're hurting her by not telling her, only she doesn't know it. Does that make sense. Honesty really is the best policy - even if that does sound very corny. Peace out.
"Peace out"? I think Jim's right (otherwise). Don't keep her hanging on hoping for something that isn't going to happen. Best if you can let her know now. Lex
Hi Jebs, I’m going to have to chime in with the “honesty is the best policy” line. My favorite girlfriend of some 25 years wanted to marry me twice. Although we never had sex, she always wondered why I didn’t grab the bait when I had the opportunity. We’ve been the closest of friends over the years and I literally cried at her wedding when she married a cop. At the time, I didn’t know I was gay so I thought I had lost my chance to marry into a ready-made family (she has a son from one of my best friends who committed suicide in ’99). When I finally realized I was gay, she was the first person I came out to. She was so understanding and was so happy to find out why our friendship never headed towards marriage. We’re even closer now. I think your girlfriend will be equally understanding if you place your trust in her by telling her the truth. That’s better than trying to come up with excuses and leaving her thinking that she has a shot at you, or worse yet, that there is something wrong with her. A true friend will understand, and appreciate you for your honesty. I’ll bet 2 cases of beer.:icon_bigg
