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Should I come out to keep avoiding getting 'outed' by accident?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by UsagiChan, Jun 5, 2014.

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  1. UsagiChan

    UsagiChan
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    Hey there. (I just realised my title makes no sense. Argh. It's too late at night for this. XD)

    I started questioning my sexuality last year, age 16, and came to the conclusion that I am a lesbian around 2 months ago. It was a great feeling of enlightenment, and a lot of confusion from my preteens and early teens started to fall into place. I've told most of my friends, but I still haven't told some of them, nor have I told any of my family.

    Problem is, at the age I am- sex, boyfriends, blablabla, comes up in conversation quite alot.
    Examples:
    *Watching the weather with mum and stepdad*
    Me: Oh, look, it's Lucy! (the weather lady)
    Stepdad: I like Lucy. She's the best one.
    Me: Yeah, she's cool. She's cute, unlike the others. (Slip of the tongue on my part!)
    Stepdad (joking): What, do you fancy her or something?
    Me: O/////O Pfffft. No. What are you talking about?

    Mum: When you go to university, you might want to think about getting an implant. Or going on the pill. For 'safety', you know?
    Me: Oh... Haha. Er, I don't think you need to worry about that.
    Mum: Oh, I'm sure you'll find a guy there!
    Me: Riiiight. *walks away*

    Those were a couple of near misses. (Funny ones, now I look back on it.) I REALLY want to come out soon, because it feels like the information is going to burst out of me any time. I'm a crappy liar, so when I get cornered, I have to leave before I blurt it out.
    I have the usual fears: Mockery, rejection, disbelief, etc. But it's also double because I have quite a severe problem with anxiety.

    Should I just come out and say it? I hate having these awkward moments when I have to skirt around the fact that I'm gay!
    :bang:
     
    #1 UsagiChan, Jun 5, 2014
  2. BelleFromHell

    BelleFromHell
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    If you know your living/financial situation won't be in jeopardy, and your parents aren't WBC members, I would. It can take a ton off weight of your shoulders.

    I had a similar problem before I came out, hell, even before I knew I was gay. My parents knew I didn't like men, so they knew I was a lesbian before I did. They teased me about it ALL THE TIME...

    It gave me a "I can't be gay!! I don't want them to be right!" complex. I didn't admit it until right before I turned 16, and I know I would've came out to myself sooner sooner if it wasn't for that.
     
    #2 BelleFromHell, Jun 5, 2014
  3. littlemonster11

    littlemonster11
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    If you feel it's time to come out to them, I'd say go for it. Otherwise, I wouldn't suggest you force yourself to do something you don't wanna do. I know what you mean. I feel like a hypocrite trying to give you advice, as I haven't come out either, but the best advice I can give you is to go with your gut. You can never go wrong doing that!
     
    #3 littlemonster11, Jun 5, 2014
  4. PatrickUK

    PatrickUK
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    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It depends on your parents attitude towards LGBT people and how dependent you are on them for support/security. Have you heard them make any nasty or derogatory comments in the past? If parents are wildly homophobic they normally give themselves away with snide comments (I don't think the comment your step-Dad made about the weather forecaster was an indication of homophobia).

    You will probably find it quite liberating when you go to university and many have LGBT groups or societies where you can make friends and get support. Perhaps that would help build your confidence to come out?

    Anxiety is a double edge sword. On the one hand you have the fear and stress of confronting a difficult situation like coming out, on the other hand you have a build up of anxious pressure by not doing so. IF the consequences of coming out will not be dire it might be time to feel the fear and do it anyway.

    If you are unsure how your parents will react, try to drop a few hints (like mentioning gay celebrities or same sex marriage). This should test the water and give you an idea into the likely reaction to coming out.
     
    #4 PatrickUK, Jun 6, 2014
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