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How to tell if someone is homophobic?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by LilyField, Jun 7, 2014.

  1. LilyField

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    For the past year or so, I've questioned my sexuality. I've thought about it long and hard, so I've settled on bisexual. I've told my mom, and she doesn't mind. I've told my aunt, and she didn't mind either. These are the only people that know. I want to tell my best friend, but I have a unique problem; I have no idea if she's a homophobe or not.

    For the past year we've been friends, I've gotten no signal that she does or doesn't support gays. I'm too afraid to tell her because in my mind there are two ways it will play out:
    1. She accepts me and doesn't mind the fact I'm bi and we're still friends.
    Or 2. She's disgusted by the fact I'm bi and freaks out. She yells and makes a big deal out of it and doesn't want to speak to me anymore.

    Almost every time I think about situation #2, I kind of have an internal panic attack and start crying. Not only is she my best friend, she's my only true friend I have ever made in my life. Every other person I try to make friends with, they either never talk to me again or we don't have the same interests. If I tell her and she reacts badly to it, I'll be friendless... Again.

    Oh, and have I mentioned I sort of have a crush on her? Because that's kind of an incredibly important detail in my situation.

    This is something that she will (probably) never know about. I don't want to ruin our friendship with this vital piece of information. I won't lie, I've thought what life would be like if we were in a relationship. Usually it's this sickeningly sappy, romantic relationship with movie dates and flowers and just generally being lovey-dovey. Disgustingly sweet, isn't it?

    But seriously, I'm too scared to even think about coming out to her. The thought of her abandoning me because I'm bi horrifies me. So my question here is "How can I ask her if she's homophobic or not?". I can't just flat out ask her "Hey, are you homophobic?" because that would cause her to start asking questions I'd be too scared to answer.

    So, any ideas?
     
    #1 LilyField, Jun 7, 2014
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2014
  2. whosamelia

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    Maybe just bring up stuff about gay rights issues or talk about some gay couple in real life or on a TV show or something and see how she reacts?? Idk I'm not good at advice... there's always opportunities to bring stuff up casually.
     
  3. Peacemaker

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    are there any gay kids at your school, if so ask her her opinion on them
     
  4. iamjustababy

    iamjustababy Active Member

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    Bring up the topic of gay rights, if talking about that for a little while doesn't help then just ask her what her opinion on being gay or gay marriage is, that's how I learned that my best friend is all for it and soon after that I came out
     
  5. happydavid

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    Just casually bring up a conversation about gay then seeing how she responds but if she is your real friend she would like you no matter what
     
  6. dizzyCalysto

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    I can say from personal experience that having a crush on a best friend sucks. I have another friend that I was sure was going to freak out when I came out to her, but I casually slipped it into our conversation and she was totally fine with it. The other advice here is awesome, btw.
     
  7. PlantSoul

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    Try casually bringing up LGBT rights/issues and see how she responds.