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Homophobic parents and their homophobic friends

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ardard, Jun 7, 2014.

  1. ardard

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    A couple days ago my parents had one of their very religious friends over and they started talking about homosexuals.(I am a closeted gay) Their friend said that god made a mistake when he made homosexuals and my parents agreed with him. He then said that being gay is like having a mental illness and we have to fix it and not just live our lives being gay and acting on our feelings. The entire time he was saying this my family was agreeing with him. I don't know what to do? I live in such a homophobic family that I feel if I ever come out they will disown me or I will be the unwanted or disturbed child in their mind. Any advice?:help:
     
  2. Adventuretime

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    *hug
    I don't know how to deal with them either. My step is a homophob, my mom isn't as bad but we never have one in the family. Her friends are homophob tho.
     
  3. Yossarian

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    First of all, if they say they are religious, then say "God made a mistake" they are hypocrites, so what they think about homosexuality doesn't mean diddly squat. Your actual problem is homophobic parents, who may or may not start acting rationally if they find out you are gay. You have not said how old you are, or whether you are dependent on them at the present time. Lacking any such information, my only advice would be to keep silent about your situation for now; your parents don't need to know if you don't want them to know, or if you feel that them knowing would put you at some kind of risk.
     
  4. butHitlerisDead

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    A piece of advice: Don't come out. At least not yet if you think your parents would disown you. Wait until you are financially independent of them. Trust me, nothing sucks more then opening up to your parents and then finding yourself out on the streets two days later. Not to discourage or depress you, but you should only ever come out if you feel it is safe to do so. If your parents are ever talking about homosexuality in a negative light, defend yourself! Maybe not "yourself" exactly, but gays in general so you know what I mean. They are insulting you and you should tell them why you think they are wrong! You could even voice your opinion in front of your parents and their friends if you're respectful and polite about it. If your mom's friend for example says "I think God made a mistake in making gays." You could say, "Is God not supposed to be perfect? He doesn't make mistakes. Why would he make homosexuals only to hate them?" Be brave, and stand up for your orientation. Best of luck!
     
  5. Aaron82

    Aaron82 Guest

    big hug
    I don't know what to say. It's unbeliveable.
    At your place, I will tell them about myself and live home and never come back. These people consider themselves to be Christians?? Lack of word sorry.
     
  6. Ali101xx

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    Yes, I agree with the others that have posted here don't come out until you know that your parents aren't going to kick you out but seeing as though they are homophobic they will disown you. It's not really their fault as they have been brought up to think that homosexuality is 'sick' and perverted' due to religion. Whatever they had said was very childish and they need to grow up, its so unbelievable. They are narrow minded and it's best to avoid coming out to them since you could face serious consequences. As they are so religious wait until you can support yourself and live on your own and then come out. Since you havent stated your age I cannot really say what's best for you at the moment. Have you got any gay friendly relatives or friends you can trust and share how you feel or maybe come out to them? Best of luck x Just don't come out at school if it's homophobic as you could get bullied.
     
  7. Silas

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    So sorry that you have to deal with this ardard :frowning2: My family is also extremely homophobic, very religious, they'll likely disown me when I come out and I know how hurtful it can be having to live in that kind of environment. My parents also have similar conversations when they get together with friends/family members and make jokes and laugh and say some of the most nasty things about gay people. I want so badly to say something to them but the few times I've tried speaking up it was basically like talking to a wall, they're so set in their ways it seems like nothing will change their mind.

    I agree with everyone's advice to wait till you're financially independent and able to support yourself before coming out to them. And try not to let your family's comments get to you! If you have any close friends you can confide in hopefully you can turn to them for support. Good luck and stay strong (*hug*)
     
    #7 Silas, Jun 8, 2014
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2014
  8. Aaron82

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    I forgot to write that only if you are financial independent.
     
  9. Clay

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    Pretty sure if they're Christians then they can't believe that God makes mistakes. He doesn't.
     
  10. idkgrrrl

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    I agree with this. Don't come out yet, be patient. Once you're independent and you don't rely on them, I'm sorry but you should keep it on the down low. Since they are religious, I don't think they will be too eager to accept it.
    My best friend is 18 years old, living with his parents, going to barber school that his parents pay for, has a car his parents pay for and he is openly bisexual to them. HOWEVER, his parents are wife/husband pastors at their own church. They do not accept his orientation. But they do not discuss how gay is a sort of mental illness.

    He told then when he was around 15 that he liked guys and brought home boyfriends so I think they've gotten "used to it".

    Maybe, just maybe your parents might be like that, but you know your parents and only you can somewhat expect how they react. Think about your safety before you decide.

    I hope I helped in anyway! Good luck, and be strong! :slight_smile: