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My confidence is slowly slipping

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by GlindaRose, Aug 18, 2008.

  1. GlindaRose

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    It is my dream to be a musician when I'm older.

    A while back I would have felt extremely confident that I was good enough to make it. I play piano and violin and I sing, and I did music for GCSE. I've always been really passionate and believed in myself.

    But lately I feel like my confidence has slowly been slipping. You see, my mum keeps making really harsh comments directed at my musical abilities. Like, it's one thing telling me to watch my step and have a back up plan, but it's another saying really harsh things to my face and making me feel bad. E.g. she'd come up to me and go 'Singing's not really your forte is it??' As if she'd know. That felt like a stab in the chest. Then just earlier today she was like, 'You should have brought your violin on holiday. Professionals would bring their instruments everywhere with them. You're not really a professional, you just do it as a hobby.'

    It's not as if I don't already know there's loads and loads of competition out there. I'm completly aware of the odds of making it. But like I said before, all those hard comments are just making me feel bad, like I'm not good enough and never will be, and are slowly draining me of confidence until my dream is dead, just like a stab in the chest would drain me of blood until I'm dead.

    I'm now really worried about going to my next school, which I'm going to for the sake of following through with my career. I am aware that the standards there are probably much higher than the standard I'm at now. Currently at home the piano is in storage for work done on the house, so I can't practice, so I'm worried that I'll sound really awful when I get there and make a really bad impression. :tears:

    I guess I'm just really bummed at the moment because my mum made some of those comments today. A lot of the time I find myself doubting my choice and wondering if I'd be better off doing something else instead. But then I think, 'Like what?' Music is everything to me. I don't know what I'd do without it.

    *sigh* I needs cheering up, I suppose.
     
  2. Lexington

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    A few things. First off, try to tune out your mother somewhat. She's probably just concerned. Let's face it - even musicians who "make it" tend not to have really stable and well-paid careers, unless you're talking Yo Yo Ma level. So when she sees you not practicing 24/7, she thinks it's more like you saying "I wanna be a fireman when I grow up". She's probably hoping to either goad you into praciticing more, or to find a "better" career field. She's going about it poorly, but I'm thinking that's what she's doing.

    Number next. Is there a neighbor's piano you can go bang on for an hour or two a week? Just to keep the fingers in shape for a bit? Or somebody's electric keyboard you can borrow? (No, not the same, but it'll at least keep the fingers remembering where to go.) That might at least ease the tension somewhat.

    Number last. Keep a couple things in mind about music. Don't worry about "making it". That doesn't mean you shouldn't try - you should. But your ultimate goal should simply be playing music, and loving it. Because the whole "making it" thing is both hard to classify, and tough to weigh. For instance, take two potential scenarios.

    * Playing music in a club every night. You don't really like any of the songs you're forced to play, but you get a nice big paycheck each week.

    * Playing music in a small local group. You get a large say in what gets played, you love the group, you love the environment. But you don't get paid enough to live on, so you have to work elsewhere, at least part-time.

    In which of these scenarios would you say you've "made it"? Some would say the first, some would say the second, some both, some neither.

    But as one wise rat once said, "Being happy is one goal that's always worthwhile." :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  3. Louise

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    Never doubt yourself and live for your dream. I don't know about 'making it' but if you can make enough money to live on, even modestly, by doing the one thing you are passionate about and love above all things that that is probably what I would call success.

    Life is about being happy and fulfilling your dreams. As a versatile musician; violin, piano, singing, there are countless opportunities for you to work in the music industry.

    Could you hire a piano or at least an electric piano with weighted keys, there are some very good 'life like' electric pianos out there, any good music shop should be able to help you.

    As for your mum being mean, how about - in a totally non confrontationaly way - you just ask her simply why she is saying these things to you and that it hurts your feelings and gives you the impression that she doesn't believe in you. Invite her also to tell you honestly what she thinks of your singing/playing. I'm sure you must have an idea of your ability from your music teachers already.

    I don't know if you are gifted or not but you do see these poor people who can't sing to save their lives making a complete fool of themselves on TV sometimes simply because no one in their families had the kindness to point out to them that they sing like frogs farting underwarter.

    If your mother has something to tell you then let her say it once and for all. Don't be overly hurt by what she says if it is not what you want to hear, simply go and see someone you trust who has a good ear and knowledge of music, play and sing for that person and ask for their honest opinion. Once you have an unbiased, third party opinion then you can base your career decisions on fact and not just a passionate desire to make music or a moment of depression because someone who should be giving you support isn't there for you.

    I think by now, that if you really were without talent one of your music teachers would have found a way to let you know. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!