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Coming out to therapist

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Max990, Jun 7, 2014.

  1. Max990

    Max990 Guest

    Hi guys,

    So recently I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I've been speaking to a therapist and apparently to free myself from depression I have to stop suppressing my feelings and be more honest. This of course set the klaxons off in my head.
    Sure I've been holding onto some things that I have now expressed, but really I know that my incessant questioning over my sexuality and keeping it hidden has been toxic.
    I really want to express how I've been struggling to come to terms with it for years. But I'm far too scared to say anything, even in total privacy.
    I know this will make me better, but I'm scared to face potential negativity from family and friends. It's so frustrating that people think being gay is a choice - I'd say look what inauthenticity has done to me.
    So, I was wondering how I should I randomly bring up the topic with my therapist?
    Is it a good idea?
    Has anybody else ever started the coming out process in this way?
     
  2. TheStormInside

    Full Member

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    I've been in therapy for some time and I am also planning to talk to my therapist about my sexuality. I'm still questioning and I am hoping having an unbiased voice to talk with will help me to clarify some things. I haven't done it yet, but my plan is to email her sometime before my next session to tell her I'd like to talk about this, as I've been unable to bring it up myself while in the office with her. Do you think you'd be able to do the same with your therapist?
     
  3. PlantSoul

    Regular Member

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    Do you know if she is LGBT-friendly?

    I was seeing one who was fine with me when I still identified as being bisexual and then gay. However, she completely changed her tune when I told her that I was actually an homoromantic asexual. While admitting that I was her first asexual client and that she was unfamiliar with the orientation, she ended up preceding to go so far as to tell me not to back myself into a corner and be so eager to put labels on myself, that I couldn't have fetishes and still be asexual and this is the biggest thing that made me upset with her: that because of my orientation, I never would be able to have a real romantic relationship with someone. Instead, I would have to settle with having close and platonic friendships. Also, claiming that I would never be able to get married or even have my own children.

    Her stance both hurt and shocked me since, I had been under the impression that she was an open-minded person. I trusted her but, now I have no intention of continuing the therapeutic relationship.

    If I were you, I would try to find out what her stance is on this issue. If she has any professional profiles online and is LGBT-friendly, more than likely, this will be included on these profiles. If they aren't, you could always try to ask her. Ere on the side of caution, and try not to make it obvious that you are asking for yourself until you know for sure what her stance is. Make it a natural part of the conversation. Good luck.
     
  4. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    I'm sorry you faced discrimination from your therapist. I have had similar problems with mine except that I'm not asexual (just sexually reserved homosexual).

    When I came out to my therapist as a lesbian, she seemed supportive at first, but I later saw her true colors. She kept asking me if I enjoyed being sexually active and I said no I wasn't that interested (never did anything in the first place) and that I might not ever want to because of fear.

    She later found out I didn't want to sleep with women because I was afraid of my partner not considering it as "real" or "valuable" as I did (IE: The fear of still being considered a "virgin"). She went on a tangent how penetrative sex was more "emotional" or "real" and treated me like the people who discriminated against me were right and I burst into tears in the actual fucking session. Even worse, she considered herself a good straight "ally" because she "supported gay marriage".

    I went through many suicide attempts after going there and even went through a "I hate straight people" phase.

    The point is OP, that you need to be very cautious and know everything about your therapist before you open up. Some therapists are ignorant, and if he/she shows a bad reaction I would hate for it to ruin your psyche and coming out experience especially for a first time.