Typed this thread 7 times and it just seems to get longer and longer, i've been at this for over an hr* Forget back story and situations, I am just going try to form a sentence. #1~My parents want $70 for gas tonight. I'm going to end up giving it to them one way or another before they go to bed. I have the money but i am certain that i will never see this money again. Would it be too brat-y to advise them to take the Transit? I take it to the same hotel every day and its schedule works perfectly with there hours. #2~I have a little over $1,500 in my bank that they dont know about and it makes me feel horrible. Should i tell them about my savings? #3~My parents have nothing saved and it worry's me but they will spend every cent they make and more. There is nothing for emergencies or for my college. Is it possible for them to take money out of my bank? #4~They work at the same hotel and have access to my paychecks. When i'm 16 can i keep my parents from picking up my paycheck? #5~Can they cash my checks into their bank account without my signature? #6~Could i use tonight inevitable request for money tonight as a chance to come out to them? The only time they seem to be responsive to me is when they hit a wall and need help. Would that make a horrible time to tell them? *I dont think i will ever be 100% ready to tell them but once i force the first word out of my mouth the rest flows smoothly enough.* #7~ there's like 20 other questions but i cant seem to be able to put them into words.:eusa_doh:
Quick answer. 1. Can you tell them you don't have $70? Can you buy them a transit pass instead? 2. No. 3. Unless they opened the account with you, no. If they DID open the account with you, close the account and open a new one. If you're 16, you can do this in the US. 4. Yes. 5. No. But you might want to look into having the hotel do a direct deposit. 6. How do you think they'll respond? Is it worth coming out to them? 7. We'll be here. Lex
Hi there! I don't see a problem suggesting to your parents that you guys could all ride public transit. Not only will they be able to save a lot of money on gas but it is also environmentally friendly! Maybe you could frame it in such a way that they see some benefits in taking public transit. Given the circumstances that you are facing, ask yourself if it is really that important that your parents know about your savings. I can understand that it might be difficult to keep your savings a secret or hidden away from them, but do think about your own future as well. You have mentioned that your parents have nothing saved either for the rainy days or to help you to go to college. If you do want to go to college, keep saving the money. Having money for your first couple of terms/semesters will go along way in your studies. The first year of college is the most important one for a successful college degree, as you will learn the foundations for any further program requirements that you will take. The more time you can spend on your studies the better it will be. Trust me on this. As for using the situation to come out to your parents, I would advice you against it. Please do ask yourself, what do you hope to gain from it? Coming out to parents should never be done because of being angry at them or making it seem as being in return for something. If you do chose to come out because of the circumstances in which you are finding yourself in, it is possible that they might not take it seriously. I think it would be good if you could avoid that situation. If and when you do feel ready try coming out to a few close friends first, which will allow you to build up a support network. A support network can consists of a number of people who you think are important in your life and whom you trust. Having a support network in place will allow you to build up the confidence to come out to your parents. As Lex mentioned, your parents don't have access to your bank account as long as you are the one that opened the account. I think Lex's suggestion of having direct deposit is good. Try looking into that. I hope this helps!
I am confused about your title, are you talking about yourself? If you are I don't see in anyway your behaviour as that of a greedy brat, if you are talking about your parents I understand better. Why would you feel the need to help your parents out for money, you are only 16 for goodness sake, have your parents no pride. Sorry I don't mean to insult them but their finances are not your problem. As long as you keep bailing them out they will keep asking and they will never stand on their own to feet. Tough love involves you saying NO, your parents being in difficulty and finding a better solution than sponging off their child! NO do not tell them about your savings, your personal finances are yours and yours alone to know. This is not a question of keeping a secret from them this is simply no one elses business but yours to know how much money you have. I don't know about US law but Lex says no. All you can do for emergencies is put a little bit aside that you can always count on, for college you will have to sort yourself out with grants, loans and working. Unfortunately parents are not always the responsable people we would like them to be. You can definately ask your boss to give your check directly to you or even pay it directly into your bank. Again I don't know about US law but logically no they shouldn't be able to cash a check if it is not in their name. You might want to think about changing your bank account and bank so that you don't bank at the same one as your parents. God NO what has your parents asking for money got to do with your comming out. Don't muddle things up. When you feel ready to come out then do so but don't hide behind a request for money to say somthing which deserves to stand on its own and be given the attention it deserves and not 'yeah, yeah whatever just give us the money' For the other questions like Lex said, we are here when you manage to find the right words. Just a little something... well my point of view actually : A child does not OWE their parents anything! (A parent can be deserving of respect but this is not a right) A child did not ask to be born. Parents when they CHOOSE to have a child have a moral and legal duty to that child. The moral duty is to love and care for that child for the rest of it's life. The legal duty is to feed, clothe and educate their child. If your parents have done this for you then they have done nothing more than assume the consequences of their choice. They can in return reasonably expect love and respect from their children. Once the child is adult the parents can hope for emotional support in times of trouble but barring a major catastrophy and extream old age, at no moment should a parent ask a child for money. It is not your place to worry about your parents, not untill they are very elderly and can no longer look after themselves and make their own decisions. In the mean time weather you agree with their choices or not these are their lives and you are not on this earth to pick up the pieces of your parents. Hard though it may be you need to stand up to them and say no. Lie if you have to and say that you don't have the money you already spent it or leant it to someone else. I am not advocating lying but if you don't have the courage to simply say NO and stick to your guns then hide behind a little white lie, you are not hurting or manipulating anyone, you are protecting yourself. Good luck
:eusa_clap Thanks everyone your all really helpful. They completly shot down the transit idea. *Took several buses today going from my home>High School to get counsler signiture>Station>other station>College>back to station>direct trip home. Took 2 hours but most of it was me talking to counslers and getting stuff signed.* All super fast and didn't spend a cent because i buy monthly tickets. Checks come in on Thurs and i will talk to the owner to about keeping my checks from my parents, If i do direct deposits i'l get mail from my bank and they will open it:dry: I payed them the $70 for their gas last night. I should have mentioned that this isnt a rare thing. This happens each month with gas and every other with other bills. Reason i thought this would be a time to come out is because unless they want something or have something that needs doing theres no talking. They give orders and lists but its only when they need money or tech support that they ask me questions. AS for a reason to come out to them i dont tihnk i have a very good reason. I dont plan to be bringing guys home anytime soon or ever. I plan to be joining the GBLT group my college has and i wont be able to lie to them. *couldnt find any info about the club at the college but the catalog says it exists* *update* Despite all the completely correct advice you all gave me i came out to them kinda. Did it against almost everything wrote on this site and i'm feeling the pain of it. This morning when the were about to go to work i started talking and gave them a letter. Was hoping that when the returned home we would sit down and talk about it because they'd have had time to think it over a little. So far my mother is just slamming things around and my father is ignoring me. Both look angry but they haven't said more then 3 words to me combined. After thinking about it i prefer it this way, its quiet and they are actually doing some of the house work.
Oh dear... I don't think you're a brat at all! Your parents should be more responsible - how you turned out the way you did I'll never know! Your parents shouldn't be able to deposit a cheque to their account that isn't in their name. So you shouldn't have to worry about that.
