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My Story

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by M22, Jun 9, 2014.

  1. M22

    M22
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    Hi,

    I am a 22 year old Gay male and up until about 3 weeks ago I was determined to live my life as a single straight guy because I thought that's what society wanted me to do.
    This is basically my way of telling you all how I accepted who I was and my coming out story, Just wondered if anyone had a similar experience to what I'm about to say.

    So just over 3 weeks ago I moved abroad alone, I think now looking back I was running away from problems at home however I am here now and having a brilliant time. When I first arrived I found the first 2 weeks really hard, whilst I was at home I rarely thought about being gay, I shoved it to the back of my mind and it only really came forward when someone would mention something about somebody being gay or if something came on the TV. I would immediately get embarrassed and then shove my feelings back to the back of my mind. However during the first two weeks here its all I could think about, I started to realise that I was going to have to come out at some point and to be honest it terrified me and I could not ever see how I could do it. What happens next is really strange and I'm still not sure how it happened.
    Basically I woke up one day last week and all of sudden everything felt right, I was happy where I was and more importantly I was happy with who I was. Its the strangest feeling because I never thought it would ever happen, I don't even know what happened to make me feel comfortable. Now its not an issue to me and I feel really happy. Basically I went through a massive change over night in my sleep and I'm not sure how.
    So today I decided that I would tell all of my family and friends in one go and get it all out the way.
    I'm not sure whether I took the cowardly way or not but I've sent a long email to each of my family and I've sent messages to my close friends. Due to the time difference they wont see these for another 4 hours and I am really scared to see there reactions so I have decided I'm not going to check until I feel comfortable. I start a new job tomorrow so not sure with the stress of that whether I want to see before tomorrow night.
    I am hopeful that they will all be accepting but I am nervous that a couple of my friends and my brother won't be as they have in the past made the occasional homophobic jibe about things and as far as they are aware they think I'm straight. I think most of them wouldn't have considered be being gay as I have lied for so long, I even believed it myself sometimes.
    So I'm sorry for such a long winded post, but it feels good to put it in words. Has anyone else experienced sudden acceptance of who they are like I did?
    Thanks for listening.
     
  2. calgary

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    Hi, Congrats on having the courage to come out. I like the idea of doing it through email or txt. I don't think it's the coward way out at all. You had a long time to think about this and I like to think while a letter isn't the most personable it does give them to process it and have a reasonable amount of time to come up with a response. I can relate to a lot of your story. I also came to the conclusion I would just be single and happy with myself but not out. I put a lot of time into work and education so never really had to think about being gay. I hated that feeling when something gay related would come up with friends (conversation or TV) I could almost feel my face going red. This summer I got a promotion and have been on training for a few months. Training is pretty relaxed so all of sudden I had a lot of time on my hands and realized how unhappy I was. Finally it clicked that being in the closet was crushing my self confidence and if I wanted to meet someone I needed come out first and be comfortable with who I am. Haven't had that moment when that full acceptance has happened yet. Please let us know how all the responses go. Hope you get some sleep.
     
  3. GayDadStr8Marig

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    First off, welcome to EC and making your first post. (Perhaps you've spent some time on the forums getting a feel for the place, it is amazing isn't it?) Congratulations on taking a huge step in your life. I hope the early reactions have been affirming from family and friends. Part of me wishes I had the courage at your age to face the reality of my sexuality, so much pain could have been avoided -- not just myself but the people in my life. But I would not be where I am today if that had happened. I am very fortunate that in spite of the pain I've been through and have caused my family my world did not fall apart by coming out, and I'm in a much better place than ever. Coming out may start with an event, but it is a process that takes time, so peace to you on your journey! :slight_smile:
     
  4. TJ

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    Hey, welcome to EC, and congrats on deciding to come out to your family and friends! Let us know how it goes. (*hug*)

    I've heard of experiences similar to yours before - people rejecting who they are while they're still near the environment and the people they grew up with. But then when they relocate to a new place, they feel like they can start over and feel comfortable starting out as gay there.
    It makes sense that you would feel more comfortable in a place where you're less stressed by the people you have known all your life to be who they think you are.

    Again, congrats, and I'm very happy you've joined us on EC. Hope to get to know you more.
    See you around! :smilewave
     
  5. PatrickUK

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    Coming out is a process with many stages that most of us go through. For some it takes years to complete the process and go through all of the stages, for others it can happen very quickly. There is no set format and sometimes there is no immediately obvious movement from one stage to the next. Could it be that the move abroad has released some shackles that were buried deep in your unconscious?

    I hope the responses are positive, but I would certainly get your first day in the new job out of the way before opening them. You don't need the distraction while you are trying to focus on such a big day.

    Well done on reaching this point and I hope you can now take the steps to realise a better and more positive future for yourself.

    :slight_smile:
     
  6. GArchi1992

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    Congratulations on reaching this point, it's a massive step and I really do hope you get the response you're hoping for. Im sure you'll feel like a massive weight has been lifted off you right now and you can go forward with your life.

    Congratulations on the job also, hope your first day went well :slight_smile:
     
  7. M22

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    So I've finished my first day at work and finally managed to grow a pair and look at the responses, to be honest iv never been so overwhelmed in all my life. Never did I expect the positive responses I have had from everyone.
    I'm in shock right now, every person has sent a positive message that they love me and support me no matter what.
    I kind of don't know what to do right now, I had massively prepared myself for such negative reactions that I'm pretty much in shock.
    Thank you to everyone that has taken the time to reply to my message.
     
  8. wardrobeescaper

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    Hey, yeah, we all worry about coming out and peoples reactions. I thought I would loose all of my friends. In the end I gained more friends and only lost 1. He wasn't very close either, he crashed his car a few years later and died instantly.
     
  9. PatrickUK

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    Bloody fantastic news! I'm really pleased you got supportive responses. It sounds like the shock of getting good feedback has stunned you as much as negative feedback.

    Hope this gives you a good feeling inside once you've processed a few thoughts and feelings. :slight_smile:
     
  10. calgary

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    That's great news. congrats. It's been my observation that the fear of coming out makes us under estimate how loved we are and accepting our friends and family are.
     
  11. M22

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    So i wanted to update and get some advice from people. As I said before everyone has been beyond supportive, my straight best guy mate has shocked me the most as I said before he had made the occasional homophobic joke. He basically explained that in the past he was homophobic but that was when he younger and immature and without me saying anything he apologised for any comments and if it made me uncomfortable and we've spoken a lot on messages due to being over the other side of the world. He's been asking me pretty much everything and complaining about why I haven't got a boyfriend yet and that I should go for it and everything, so yeah pretty unexpected.

    The problem I'm having is I am struggling to come to terms with it, for me its still hard to talk about being gay and writing it on messages to my friends I really struggle with even though they don't care at all and ask hundreds of questions and stuff. Is this normal? Has anyone else experienced that?
     
  12. PatrickUK

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    Telling someone you are gay is not the same as telling someone what you are going to have for breakfast. If someone doesn't like your choice of cereal in the morning, so what? If someone doesn't like you for being gay, it's different. It's personal. Sadly, there are still lots of people in wider society who have an issue with GLBT people and we are acutely aware of that, so, whenever we tell someone it's a step into the unknown. We only really cross that hurdle of anxiety when we decide, for ourselves, to screw opinion and just do it anyway. Takes a bit of time to get to that point.

    You can take confidence from the knowledge that everyone who is important to you now knows and they still love and support you. These are the people who really matter and these are the people you need a good response from. Well, you got it! The only way is up now. You have lived with the secret for so long and now you need to adjust to being more open. You've only just come out, so it will take some adjusting and getting used to - there's no pressure.

    It's human nature to want everyone to like us and accept us, but it's never going to happen. Even if it's not about sexual orientation or gender, people will find other reasons to dislike other people (weight, dress sense, hair, personality etc.) but as long as you have the support of the people you love nobody else really matters.

    You're doing great.
     
  13. M22

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    Thank you for the response, it made a lot of sense and helped with things :slight_smile: