How would you describe me in a "coming out" conversation?

I'm sorry of a redundant question. I've skimmed down a few pages of this forum topic and have found similar threads, but nothing super specific to me (also, sorry for the focus on "me," but, hey, it's my thread! :icon_wink ).

I'll try to keep it somewhat brief, but I'm going to give a story about who I am. What I'm looking for is opinions on how I may want to structure or describe my feelings if and when I want to fully "come out."

So, I'm 25 now, and, as of now, I have only "come out" to my best friend, who is super supportive; however, he just got married and adopted 2 kids last year (he's straight), so, as you can imagine, we have little opportunity to talk much anymore.

I've been tossing the idea of "coming out" to a broader group of family and friends, but, quite honestly, I don't know how that conversation would go. It's not that I think I'd have an unreceptive audience necessarily (though, you never know what people will say or do sometimes). It's more, I just don't know how to describe myself and my feelings in a clear and coherent way - to myself, let alone to others. And, so, I've been comfortable to just kind of not say anything about it.

Since the 7th grade, I've known I was at the very least bisexual, if not completely homosexual. I've also been fairly asexual; I'm not sure if that is the right word, but I would describe it mostly as an uncomfortability with the idea of sex. It's not like I never fantasize or anything like that, but when it comes down to it, I'm usually very slow on wanting to actually do anything considered explicitly sexual (regardless of gender). It's made it hard to date, let alone gain any sort of experience with it.

In the 8th grade, I had a "friend" that was pretty flirty with me. We lived close to eachother, so I would hang out at his house a lot. We'd hang out, play basketball, chess (sometimes), video games, and every now and then, we'd kiss and feel eachother up; but nothing too too much. He moved away due to parents getting a new job, so that never really developed into anything further from there.

Throughout highschool, I went on a few dates (of the variety that your family called "cute": movies, out to dinner, etc.), mostly with girls my age, but nothing ever really developed further than that. When I was 16, I went pretty far with a 28 year old woman I knew, mostly to just experience it and learn more. It was interesting, in hind sight, and maybe fun if I really think about it, again in hind sight, but, embarrassingly, I was very shaky about actually going as far as sex, and I think because of that it didn't quite get there (but pretty close); the closer we got to it, the more anxious I got unfortunately.

But, aside from those few experiences, that's about all I have for a sexual life. I've always found that the majority of any fantasies I have in my mind involve the same sex, though there have definitely been a few times when that has not been the case either.

I'm pretty traditional in that I truly believe in monogamous relationships and all that. But, at the same time, I have an uncomfortability with sex, while not being totally turned off by it, either. Either way, I find it hard to meet people and date right now. My head's not in it. I think my confusion about who I am and what I am has caught up to me. Something that growing up, I was just comfortable being who I was and just rolling with what happened (for the most part), I now find myself uncomfortable with. And, since I'm not too open about my sexuality with most people around me, that probably contributes to the lack of dating and relationships from the end of high school to the present day. I'm pretty introverted and socially anxious, too, and that probably doesn't help much either, especially the older you get.

I know this was fairly scatter-brained. But, what are your thoughts? And, if you don't mind, in your advice, could you give me an example of how you might describe yourself (in a "come out" conversation), if you were me? I guess I just have a little trouble describing who I am in a coherent manner and I think if I can figure out how to do it, I may be able to move forward with myself... Thanks for the help! Much appreciated!

 

Hi! Thanks so much for the response. You make a lot of great points. I think you're right. I need to let get more connected with the gay community locally. I'll see what is out there, I'm sure there is something. Thanks again!