I keep asking questions and as soon as I get reassurance, I need more reassurance! So here I am, asking another question. How long should I leave it till I come out to my family? I realised I was gay a couple of months ago after a year of questioning, and have told most of my friends, changed my 'preference' to 'women' on Facebook and generally become more open about finding girls attractive, etc. But none of my family knows/has cottoned on yet. Most of them don't have Facebook and they're not a very observant bunch. In conversations with my family, I'll get the occasional 'Oh, I liked that boyfriend you had...' and I'll be internally cringing from the memory of the times I dated guys. And my mother reccommended I go on the pill, or get an implant, and I just couldn't make myself tell her that I won't be needing any of 'that' because of my sexual orientation. My mother isn't homophobic. She doesn't exactly shout her praises for gay people from the rooftops, but she doesn't dislike them either. I think she's pretty neutral on the matter. My stepdad is another matter. He joked about gay marriage the other day and said it was like 'fag and fag together'. Of course I had a huge go at him for that. But that made me worried about him knowing. I'm moving away and going to university in September. Is that a good time to tell her? I'd feel a bit cheap telling her over the phone or something though... Or should I come out when my exams are done next week? Less to stress about then. Ooor, maybe after I turn 18 next month, and the summer holidays start? I feel ready to come out, but I just can't seem to find the right moment and I don't want to be 'outed' by accident. I want to initiate the conversation. Then there's the usual worries of 'will I be believed/taken seriously?' 'Will I be able to stand up to any questions they give me?' and so on. I just feel so frustrated with myself! :bang:
There's nothing wrong on coming out on phone or in a letter. Just do it the way you feel more confortable, when you feel more confortable. If in a first moment they don't take you seriously, they will, in time, realize you were serious. Don't worry in this case, because at least you did what you wanted to do and told them. Just answer honestly, i think. If they ask you some questions, the questions will be about you, so you probably know the answers If you don't feel confortable answering any question, be honest about it too and tell them you aren't confortable. You don't need to come out to both at the same time, either. But remember it can be hard to hide it from one of them if the other knows it. Good luck
Honestly, you could wait for the perfect moment the rest of your life and it may never come up. You might come close, but there will always be something in the back of your head that says "But now might not be the best time"! It will always do that because it doesn't matter how good the situation gets there will always be that fear of rejection, and none of us want to experience it! So try thinking about it in a slightly different way. What do you hope to achieve by coming out to your family?
Thanks for the replies! The sort of things my mother might say go as so: 'Are you sure it's not just a phase?' 'But you've had boyfriends in the past, so...' I know I can answer those sorts of things, it's just that I don't want to doubt myself or falter under the pressure, and start questioning all over again just because someone doesn't 'believe me'. (My anxieties can get out of control! Haha) But thanks for the reassurance. Perhaps I can keep my courage. As for what I hope to achieve... I hate having to keep something from them. Even though we don't talk very much about, well, anything, I'm normally very chatty and open about things I like/don't like, etc. I feel like I'm lying when I'm not saying something that big. I want them to know the real me instead of the one who tried with all her heart to be straight for her teenage years.
So you want openness and honestly. You want to feel like you can stop hiding. My only concern is obviously what happens if your step-dad manages to convince your mum that this is a bad thing...and I'm guessing that is probably something you are concerned about... So I guess you could weight up how much better you will feel not having to pretend (but not necessarily being able to express yourself) while you are still at home, and compare it to how potentially bad your remaining time at home could be. I mean they need to know eventually unless you plan on cutting them out of your life forever, I suppose it really depends on if you want to have to put up with potential negativity before you go off to uni...
