Quote: Originally Posted by softsprite Beware that some of the issues around coming out as bisexual are a little different from the issues coming out as gay or lesbian. For example, I was with someone once you was all about LGBT rights, went to pride and marches and protests...and when I told him I was bi he freaked out (which was a huge surprise, and a hurtful one--I thought he'd be the most supportive ally in the world). Not because he was homophobic, but because he thought it was silly for me to come out as bi when I was in a hetero relationship. Just beware of that problem. Maybe check out some bi resources online and consider the reactions you may get. I'm so sorry you're struggling. I wish you all the best! It does get better. I also think it is hard and poses special issues to come out as bi. My wife and I have been together 20 years And have a nice fulfilling life with each other, as coparent, And as members of a warm and "progressive" community. Dispute this progressive stance, I'm not sure my wife could cope with the idea of a bi husband. In fact I fear it would end the marraige. Since I'm bi I sort of feel that I'm not a total liar but there is one thing That really bugs me. I don't know that complete openess with others and an enhanced freedom To act on homosexual impulses and explorations would play out. I could easily imagine myself becoming more all gay. I'm am 56 and not eager to open this Pandora's box. I wish I had experimented in my earlier life But feel that after being severely chronically traumatized By parental mental illness with no adult support as a teenager, I have been pretty paralyzed. Also I has severe OCD. I have had numerous heterosexual experiences which mostly pleased me. Anyway, I not only feel I deserve a pass on the odious imperative to come out, But feel the great life I've built has weight in my Choices. That said, what a relief it would be to know... But that knowing (through real homosexual experience) might very well result in the breakup of my family I adore. My wife is a very black and white thinker on these issues and other issues, but it still is worth it right now to me to stay. Of course I feel horrible about now being straightforward with those closest to me. Now I am healthy thanks to therapy and Zoloft. I am also very happy professionally... I'm an gainfully employed classical musician. Maybe doing nothing is the choice for me but I really understand why some writers have referred to being bi as a curse. Still in a profound I am most grateful for my blessings which are numerous. Sincerely, Omla, the happy closeted married with child bi guy.
Sounds like you already have it sorted. Bi guys don't have the same impetus to come out that gay guys do, so the closet is a viable option. This is especially true for older generations, who already have well established social lives, and possibly friends who wouldn't understand due to both religion and ignorance.
Nice that it reads that way to you NHdave. I don't know that I have the same confidence. By the way, a couple of times very recently I have felt that I'm a least partly scared Of a real experience. I thought of going to a asian gay masseuse today (which I could probably feel safe,sex comfortable doing), but I was afraid I'd be turned on in a more complete way and it could be sort of mind blowing... I guess I could handle it. Anyway... just late night thoughts. Thanks most kindly for your reply, Alan(actual name)
Do you love your wife? Maybe ask if she would be open to an open relationship. It sounds like you want to explore without destroying your family and are scared the sex will be better than with your wife. That your scared you're actually gay and not bi. But let me ask you this is it really worth it to never know? I think you'll regret it even more as you age. Life is too short for regrets and what ifs. However I would be careful about how you go about this. If you go about it wrong it could hurt a lot of people.
