Should I just get this done???

So, emotionally I feel I'm quite ready to come out of the closet. I've known for 5 years and recently keeping it has just made me miserable. I've swung in and out of depression and I'm quite certain lying about who I am is the cause.

I was planning to do it on a day where I see my mom (who i live with), my nana (who i live with), and my dad (who i dont live with) but all at different times. So a day when my retired nana is home, my mom is at work, and I'm seeing my dad for dinner or something. Instead of waiting, since this may be next friday due to hectic odd schedule this next week, should I just blurt it out today? Just get it done with. Tell my mom, go downstairs, tell my nana, and then since I am seeing my dad today I could just get all 3 done?

I don't see a reason for waiting but I'm so nervous that I feel like I should be putting more planning into this. But there doesn't seem to be anything left to plan. Am I forgetting something? Like I feel like I should rehearse or something but I know my family will be accepting. I'm just nervous for what seems like no reason what so ever.

So... should I just come out? I want this done with but I'm unreasonably nervous and feel like I'm not preparing properly. I mean I've waiting 5 years, so I guess I expect it should be more difficult than it feels?

 

Appreciate all the advice!!
I guess I'll do it.
My dad is picking me up soon, and my mom's cooking dinner right now. Hope she finishes so I can call her into my room...

So now I just have to figure out the exact minute

Or, I could go with my dad, tell him, then come back and tell my mom if there's no chance to do it now.

But I'll make sure I don't get dropped off by my dad without telling him! That way I can't pussy out

Thanks all, really really appreciate the kind words and advice <3

 

So, I did it

I ended up telling my dad first. He picked me up and we were going to the market to buy dinner, and when he turned off the car in the parking lot I said 'before we go in, I've something to tell you' and he said something along the lines of 'oh good' sarcastically, because of course most the time whenever someone says that it's not good. He probably thought I got like a ticket or something. Anyways, I looked down, breathed a bit (was really nervous) and said "I'm gay." He formed a slightly puzzled look because he really didn't expect it and said "what?" and I just repeated while nodding my head once "I'm gay." and he just said "Okay." He really wasn't affected at all, and knew it didn't matter, so I was really happy. As we walked in the store he asked if I was scared to tell him. I said (somewhat jokingly, somewhat serious) "well, you do vote Republican, so, you know, was a bit nervous." He smiled and said 'nobody will love you any less.' and I hugged him. I tried not to cry, but my Dad isn't really an emotional or warm person, even though he loves me, so this was like the extend of showing his love.

Then we went home and I asked him to tell the rest of his family, asking how he thinks they'll respond. He said nobody will care, but because of their age, his parents (my grandparents) might be concerned with me getting aids and dying, which happened like 20 years ago to one of my dad's cousins who was gay (I didn't know he even existed, I had no idea I had any openly gay family on that side, even if they are dead).

I then told my brother, who is 20 and lives with our dad. We're both atheists, and I know he wouldn't care, but he is a little moody bitch sometimes, and this was one of the times. I knocked on his door, opened it, and he was sitting at his computer and looked up and asked 'what' in an assinine way. i said "hey, buddy, how was work?" and he just said "what do you want" with the same attitude. So, me not giving a shit, I said 'you're a little bitch, and I'm gay. bye" and closed his door as he formed a bit of a surprised/puzzled look. I'm not sure if he thought i was joking, I don't really care. He'll find out eventually anyways xD

Then a few hours later I was at my house and I called my mother into my room. I asked her to close the door while I sat at my computer. She sat on my bed and I said "Umm, so I already told dad this, but... I'm gay," also trying to gather my courage beforehand, because this shit is scary to do xD. She looked down with her fake sad face and asked "How come dad got to find out before me?" jokingly. She said she loves me and doesn't care. She asked how long I knew, and said she was sad that I felt the need to hide it from people all this time. She said that now she was angry that I ever felt the way I did, and that I did for so long. So, I guess I know where I get my unending, excessive anger from, because that's how I feel about the world as well.

I asked her to tell my step dad and step sister who were out in the living room while I told my nana. Apparently, that went fine. They didn't care and didn't even mention it later when I saw them.

I went downstairs and into my nana's bedroom/living room (our downstairs in an in-law apartment for her. She's 65 and has lived with us since we bought this house when my parents got divorced like 10 years ago.) I closed her door, which I never do, so she probably knew something was up. I sat on the couch across from her, and said "hey how are you" and she started smiling (because she apparently figured it out). She responded with 'good how are you' and I said 'I'm fine.. and also, I'm gay." and she smiled and said, well that's great. She gave me a hug and I asked her, based on her behavior, if she had known. She said that she had a feeling, and almost asked me the other day in fact.

So, yeah, I'm out to all of my close family!

Was really scary, but it went well. Even after I felt like a bit awkward because I feel like they're kind of, judging (not sure if this is the best word), or like thinking back to see how they missed it, and like considering stereotypes and seeing if I fit them and there's any truth. Like, idk, I just feel a bit like they feel odd for missing it, I guess?

Anyways, later tonight I was talking with my old best friend who had moved away two years ago, and for some reason, for the second time, I wanted to tell him but I couldn't. We were on skype call for hours playing games, and when I was starting to focus on it and try and talk myself into doing it, he said he was tired and was going, and I tried to extend the conversation, but I just didn't know how to bring it up.

I don't think it's as much of me being scared or nervous (well, Ik I shouldn't be scared with him, so I guess just that irrationally fearful nervousness I felt with everybody), as just not knowing how to bring it up. It would feel a bit awkward to just mention it out of the blue, and even normally mentioning it is basically telling someone who didn't ask about what you do in a bedroom. Like, the concept of coming out is really a bit weird when you think about it, and I just didn't know how to say it without making things weird or awkward, I guess.

So, still working on him. Next time he messages me I might just type it, since that will be easier? Any advice on how to bring it up to a friend via skype? Funny ways would be helpful, as comedy could diffuse the situation and make it less awkward, and less nerve-wracking for me.

Sorry for long post, lot to mention xD

But yeah, I'm now out of the closet I guess (besides good friend because I'm a pussy!)

 

Thanks

 

Thanks! Without the support from the EC community I probably wouldn't have gotten it done, and just delayed it again for really no reason.

It's a bit weird being out, just because I'm not used to people knowing, but it feels good to not have to hide it.

I highly recommend just getting it over with for anyone who is emotionally ready and in a safe position to do so. It's scary, but it always will be, so just get it done. Why wait and hide who you are? Living in fear of others' opinions is no way to live, and now I regret doing so for 5 years.

There's no light in the closet, so this pride month, I advise all of you to show your true colors. (&&&)