I live in a totally homophobic household and go to a christian school. I have been lying about my sexuality for as long as I can remember. I have always grown up with very homophobic parents an a large homophobic family, over the years i have had girlfriends, lied to my dad about girls I found attractive just so they would have no chance of finding out because i know that they are not accepting. They have gay "friends" who they always make fun of when they leave and relate homosexuality to pedophilia. I feel because my family believes so strongly that i am straight and because I have shown then that by lying to them that i will never be able to come out. I feel that if I ever come out to my family they will tell how it is a phase or how this is a choice because I have dated girls before. i have also had to suppress who i really am to my family for my entire life and no one in my family is gay and I believe they will consider me as the disgrace to the family. Thats my story any advice?:eek:
It gets better. When you leave school and move out of home, you'll be free to be yourself as much as you want. And one day you'll realise that it really doesn't matter what other people think of you, as long as you're happy. Not sure what you can do in the meantime. It sounds like you've come out to and accepted yourself, that's the first big step. Would you tell your parents and family etc... if they weren't so outspokenly homophobic?
As mangotree said, once you move out of home, that's when life really begins. And society is changing. I think we have reached a tipping point, 10 or so years ago it was hardly an 'issue' but now support is all over the place. The NFL has a gay player, even the Pope, the most religious man on earth, is giving hints that he is not against it as such. I think change is happening very fast. And in a few years your family may still not support it, but your friends and the majority of other people will. It must be painful that your family talk like that but remember that you are your own person and it's not your job in life to please your family, you have to do what's right for you. So my advice would be to not be too hard on yourself and just hold on until you leave home because life will definitely get easier.
You may decide not to come out to your family, but that does not mean you can't come out to your chosen circle of friends and someone you fall in love with and decide to live your life with. IF your family eventually finds out and does not accept you, the gay child their own bodies created, as a respected member of the family, then that is their mistake and problem. It is not your responsibility to ruin your own life to keep their bigotry intact. You will eventually move away from them to define your own happy life, with minimal interactions anyway; that is what you should look forward to, and it will get better for you when that happens.
I totally understand how you feel. Same happened to me. I so hated listening to my family talk about gay people as if we are some kind of horrible plague. It hurt so much. I hated how they would try to set me up with girls and tell me I need to find a girlfriend. I am 25 now I still have not come out to my family, just close friends, but I don't care anymore. I go out to gay bars, wear clothes I like not what they would like, I am no longer trying to pretend to be something I am not. I have been happier now then I ever been. I feel the time of coming out to them is very near for me, if they don't want to be a part of my life then of well, I want happiness. Like everyone said, it will get easier with time, all you can do for now is stay strong, remember that there is nothing wrong with you and know you will find happiness. You're not alone, we are all here for you.
