I am 53 Yo Professional male. Got married early in life to a very pretty lady at the time. We had 2 kids, I was 26 and she was 23. So thinking back we would rent videos and mess around when the kids where asleep. I always rented bisexual videos and a hetro as well. I think my ex liked watching the bisexual ones. But really I was the one interested in it. Well life went on, she became less sexual, I started questioning my masculinity, and all the while she was having affairs with multiple men. Wll that ened in a divorce, and I went on to pursue a new relationship. The women was older, a very needy. I also still loved my ex wife. Well time went on, I had my daughters most of the time. I was around 35, and met few woman here and there, sex was always good. But once the ladies disappeared, my started thinking about sex with guys. So dated again, broken up and I am watching bisexual and gay and straight porn. I have not had sex since my last girlfriend was not happy with friends with bene. So now I am watching transsexual and gay porn. I know that I always had desires now for 20 years I never acted on. Here is my delemia, I am not attracted to men, I am attracted to women, but I am sexually attracted to men and women. But I am getting closer to pursing a male relationship. I have not had sex with a man. However, the porn barometer, I am turned on by Transsexual and gay porn. Not even bisexual. I consider myself bisexual even thou I have no experience. So it has taken 20 years to get to the point where I can get off on gay porn and not feel bad. But I am in the closet. I don't think finding a male friend with bene will work. I have gay friends and they have no idea. So life is passing me by and I don't want to die alone. I on line date with woman which goes no where. I am told the gay relationship as far as meeting a guy, is harder then a women. So here I am not dating anyone, getting hits on ********** for woman and reading craigs list looking a guy. I have simulated sex with a make thanks to model toys. It would be interesting. However, I dont want to meet some guy on craiglist and be found dead, and stuffed in a trash bag. My life has had more meaning then that. So, any suggestion, chat with woman I may never meet, or ask a gay guy to make me a non gay virgin. You know, I have no one to talk to about this. Any of my female friends think I am joking. My 2 gays friends tell me I a full of shit. So talk about an being frustrated and confused is putting it mildly. I font have a sexual identity, since one is ending and the other I could you a test drive. Any advice? Thanks
