First some backstory: I live in a completely homophobic family where they believe that being gay is considered a sort of a metal disorder and people have to get through it. My entire life I feel like I have been lying to my family so they would not find out. My father would always ask me what girls i found attractive in my class so i said this girl who i have been friends with since i was 3. My father continuously asked me when i was going to ask her out and eventually my friends found it that i had a "crush" on her and kind of forced me to ask her out. I have come to terms with my sexuality but I am still dating her. Everyone in my school knows I'm dating her so if we break up everyone will know and everyone will be asking questions. If i break up with her i will tell her that I am gay and that is the reason we are breaking up, but i don't know how she will take it and since we have been friends or the longest time I don't want to lose her as a friend. I don't want to stay with her because I feel the longer we are together the worse it will be if I tell her later on. I just feel so confused and don't know what to do. I have already come out to one of my closest friends and am ready to come out to my "girlfriend". I really wan tot do it soon because it has become something that i can't stop thinking about. Any Advice?:tears:
It sounds like you already know what you want/need to do. Are you asking more about 'How' and 'When'? Or how you're going to give yourself the strength to do it? Since you've been friends for so long, do you think she suspects it? Peace!
This guy knows what's up, and it's the biggest failing of support forums like this one: We can't give you the strength. It must come from you, and you must bear the consequences. But at least you can take some comfort in the idea that everyone who's reading this thread believes in you
So sorry your family is not supportive and you can not be open with them. Since you have been friends with this girl for so long perhaps you can be open with her. You should let her know how much you value her as a friend and that you absolutely do not want to hurt her. Let her know that you need to be honest with her so that she knows the truth and does not get hurt worse later. Also let her know that your family will be very unkind should they know the truth but you are trusting her with the truth because she is such a good friend. Let her know it has been eating at you that you have been dishonest with her. Hopefully she will understand and be supportive. Whatever you chose to do I wish you luck.
Since you both are friends for a long time, do you think you are comfortable enough to tell her about your sexuality? Yes, this can be very hard for both of you because I do think the last thing you would ever want is to hurt this girl but the question is how open you both are together. If it helps, you might want to bring along the friend who you came out to for support but if you think this is something between you and your girlfriend to discuss about, I suggest you do it in private. I hope she understands your situation and this will not stop her from being friends with you.
I know everybody's first instinct is to say you should break up and tell her why. As someone who put two women through the hell of loving a man who couldn't love them the way they deserved I agree that you should end the relationship instead of causing harm to an innocent girl. Me and my ex-wife were friends from the time we were in diapers and because I wouldn't accept my sexuality I lost a life long friend. If you are as close to her as I was to my ex-wife there is hope for you to salvage the friendship. If you feel that you need/want to come out to this time I will not slow you down but you don't have too. You could make up a story about it feeling weird dating her because she has been your friend so long then come clean later. If you do come out and she is accepting this could also be the story you tell your dad and other kids at school, assuming you aren't ready to come out to them, until you are ready to come out to them on your timeline. As someone who didn't have the guts to admit it to myself I admire your courage. Please don't hurt your friend anymore. I wish you the best of luck my friend.
I know that i will have to tell he rand i plan to tell her as soon as i figure out how to do it. So now my only question is how do I do it? Do i just casually bring it up and be like "OH and by the way I'm gay." Or do i have like a deep conversation and say how sorry I am. So now any advice on how to come out to her?
If agree with Peacemaker. Bringing it up casually will make you look insensitive to her and her emotions. This is one of those situations where you have to talk to her in private and just tell her the truth. Good luck!
