So my mom and I were sitting at our kitchen table talking about my future plan cause I am fixing to be a senior when school starts backup. She asked me when am I going to a boyfriend. I told her that I'm going to wait. Before I ask my question I will give you a little background info. I have always been a tomboy. I will say that I still am today and this will probably never change. And I have always liked girls. My mom have kind of guessed that too cause when I was younger about 9 or 10 years old she asked me if I was gay. And I made the biggest mistake in my life by saying no. The reason that I said no was because I already knew that it was looked down on and I am a pleaser which I hate but I can't help it. I will never do anything to shame my parents and family. But lately I've been thinking that I will need to stop doing things to please other people if I come out. I want to have a girlfriend but every time that thought come in my head my mother pops in my mind and I feel disgusted with myself. I know that she doesn't like gay people. So I was wondering are there any people that once went through or are going through a stage of pleasing other people which did/is stopping you from coming out? And how did you stop wanting to please people and advice to stop wanting to please people so you can come out? Sorry if it doesn't make any sense:eusa_doh::icon_bigg
I'm a people pleaser too, and my mom has asked me a few times and I always say no. Not because I don't want to bring shame to the family, but because I just don't want things to change. When I finally told my aunt, it was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. My point is, you need to make yourself happy before you make everyone else happy. I was just going through a severe stage of depression and I just wanted to be okay again. That's when I stopped seeking approval from so many people. Don't anybody's expectations of you, change you as a person
One of the things I've learnt recently (with regards to not caring what others think) is - 99.9% of the time, whatever happens, no matter what the outcome is, it won't kill you! Also, many people are only homophobic because they don't know anyone who's gay (that they know of). Could your mum be one of them? Peace be with you.
You can try to please people as much as you like by not revealing your sexuality, but there is one thing I've seen time and time again over the years... people will always find a reason to dislike other people. If we're not being disliked for being gay, they'll pick fault with our weight, hairstyle, dress sense, fragrance or some other aspect of personality. It's the way of the world I'm afraid. You can never please people and be universally liked.
I have spent years pleasing others and not wanting to hurt their feelings or upset them that it has made me seriously depressed and ill, and when others keep asking me why it only makes things worse. Please don’t fall into this trap. Sale Gay Guy