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One last time

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Steve712, Jun 13, 2014.

  1. Steve712

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I've been out since I was 14, which is going on 6 years now, but there was always an exception to that because I never did explicitly tell my father. Circumstances have made it pretty much necessary for me to tell him, though, so I came up with a plan. I'd like your feedback on it if you can think of anything.

    The circumstances are fairly simple. My parents are separated and I live with my mother. My father recently moved across the country because of a temporary stationing from his work (the military), but he's been visiting pretty frequently. He's here right now to run a course for the military before he goes back, and then he plans to return in July-August for a holiday. Initially he was thinking the end of July, but that changed to early July.

    My long distance boyfriend of two years is coming down to visit me for the first time (I've visited him twice) to meet my family, and my father will be here for most of it. I'm pretty sure my father knows I'm gay (because he would have to be stupid not to suspect after so many years), but I want it to be in the open and mulled over for a bit before my boyfriend comes so things aren't too awkward.

    I also don't want coming out to be super awkward, and since my father doesn't really like to talk about things (it's a family tradition) I'm thinking of something a bit more indirect. I plan on talking to his fiancée and asking her what she thinks. She knows my father well, so she should have an idea of what the easiest way would be. Ideally we would sort of behave as though my father already knew, which is probably true anyhow, and move into openness organically.

    The reason I haven't told him so far is kind of complicated. At first I was afraid of his reaction (when I was 14-15), then I was contemptuous (16-17, around the time of my parents' separation), and then I just didn't see the point in it. My father has a gay brother who is open and has a long-term partner, and his fiancée has a number of gay friends, so there shouldn't be a lot of culture shock.

    So what do you think? Is trying an indirect approach a good idea? His fiancée might tell me it'd be better to state it directly, of course, but I don't want to make a big sombre deal out of it if I can help it.
     
  2. kyrtap

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    I think asking his fiancee is very smart. She should know exactly how your dad feels and might react. He might have told her if he knows you're gay. Good luck :wink:
     
  3. Yossarian

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    You can ask her for advice, and if she knows that he knows, but I think your father would want you to tell him face to face; military people think that way. He has also gotten a large dose of how to treat homosexuals in his military environment, so he has training on tolerance and proper discipline in treating homosexuals, some of which will be to your advantage in this situation. He will probably be fine with your coming out to him.