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How to come out to girlfriend

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ardard, Jun 13, 2014.

  1. ardard

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    I am gay and I have figured this out in the middle of a relationship. At the beginning of the relationship I thought I was just Bi, but i later discovered that i am gay. I have learned to accept my sexuality and have come out to two of my closest friends. I recognize that i have to tell her and break up with her but i don't know how to. Do i just casually bring it up, have a long serous conversation or what?
    Any Advice​
     
  2. Goster

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    Tell her that "I'm really sorry that tell didn't tell you earlier, but about halfway through us dating, I realized I was gay. I never knew That I was gay before, and I'm sorry that I unintentionally 'toyed' with your feelings. This has been so hard for me, and I never wanted to hurt anyone, because I'm gay, but I did and I'm sorry. I really hope you can forgive me, and keep this a secret." You can morph it however you want, but the last girlfriend I had, I was about to break up with her for the same reason, but she broke up with me because I wasn't involved in the relationship(what?!). I kind of lucked out, but now nobody knows, and I'm depressed, so I DEFINITELY suggest TELLING HER WHY you're breaking up with her, or you could easily regret it. Don't take my advice as gospel, either, because everyone's situation is different. I'm sorry that you have this situation, but she does have a right to know.
     
  3. ardard

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    Thanks for the advice I think the way you put it is the best way to do it
     
  4. Hyaline

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    If she is a generally caring person, being honest is the best course. But if you have witnessed her doing this like going back on her word out of anger, then it might be better to just break it off without an explanation. You just aren't interested in dating her further and leave it at that.. In admitting it to her, you are divulging a bit of information about yourself that you might not be ready to have widely known.

    Be cautious.... Being honest is sometimes really hard... But ultimately you'll sleep better at night knowing you did the right thing..
     
  5. Yeah, I mean. I did this with the guy I was dating when I came out. I did the whole "I'm sorry, I didn't realize this before..."etc thing but, honestly, it couldn't hurt to look at it this way--

    Instead of you have to leave her because you're gay, it's more like it's best for both of you to be free to be with someone who attracts you/is attracted to you in the way you both deserve.

    However you do it, however you phrase it, remember that her reaction is her own. She's allowed to be angry or sad or need time to process all of this--you've had time to figure everything out and come to terms with it, but she hasn't had any and this could be a total shock to her. That sucks for you if she's upset and I'm sure you don't want that to be the case, but that's just how this kind of thing goes :/

    Best of luck to you and sorry about this tough situation.

    You'll both be better off, though. So that's good in the long-run. :slight_smile: