So I was hanging out with a soldier and a sergeant waiting for a formation. The sergeant basically asked me if i had "Thoughts" about other soldiers. Well I got super embarrassed and looked away and was really defensive about it. I said What?! No! Gross! He asked me again and I said no calmy but still looked away. He started saying i was lying BC i couldn't look him in the eye. I tried to reassure him, but he was adamant i was lying. Which I was. I think that he may not be the only soldier who thinks I'm gay either. I have a lot of friends here, and even the sergeant who is suspicious is friendly towards me I have to spend the next ten months with these guys. I'm thinking about going ahead and coming out to a few of them , but I don't want to spend the next ten months as an outcast from my unit. Since I realized I was attracted to men anytime a question gets asked about it I just can't seem to keep myself calm. I'm scared that they might know now.
Hi! Sometimes people just "know" and it sucks. You can do two things: go ahead and come out, and accept that people might not be okay with it. On the plus side you won't have to worry about if they know and you might feel more calm. Or you can not tell them and maybe someone will ask you directly. Then you wouldn't have to bring it up yourself. Also, if you are worried about their reactions, casually bring up an LGBT topic and see how they respond. Hope this helps
I think you should tell them if they seem friendly about it. Because us LGBT people really need friends who accept us for who we are.
Simplest is to just be mindful about things while you're there unless you feel he's a risk of pursuing you somehow. Which becomes the next evaluation point. He's either sussing you out as a sexual encounter, a victim for "whatever" or several other decreasing probability reasons. Maybe you fit his/another person's Gaydar and that's his reason to confront. If that's so- his fail becomes "maybe" on lines of logic: last I looked, the death of DADT did NOT cause an inversion in that policy where you're suddenly required to confess a sin or whatever crap they'd call it. How you continue handling this now includes some games theory and risk-reward calcs. Risk of do nothing, Vs some mode of action saying he's at fault- for propositioning you? All of this depends sadly on your knowing his hidden cards. And that sucks. Hopefully it works out. IF the guy were sincerely put in a corner by external pokes=someone complained about you? He's fucked up at proper handling in the approach of your feelings vs a founded issue. f he's got feelings for you - he's fucked up worse by causing you stress. And if he's Squicked by us merely existing it's even more his malfunction... That sgt needs some retraining for the current world's reality.
That NCO should not have asked you those questions. And that sucks that your unit would be unfair against LGBT. I'm not out but I'm lucky enough to have many LGBT people in my unit. Our battery's star soldier is an e-5 open lesbian X].
The nco isn't a bad guy. He only recently got his 5, and we are a NG unit in mob. I wouldn't want to get the guy in trouble. He was mostly just giving me shit about it. I know my unit and my leadership won't single me out for being gay. Everyone in the unit loves me and there is no drama. I have to spend 10 months with these guys. Anyways I think only the a couple of soldiers suspect.
Nods- well, it's also about our solidarity in the face of repression. I've had folks I work with "suspect" me for not joining in with misogynist pranks like using the master key for stealing underwear from the women's locker room. They overtly said I was known to be gay for not being a thief. "You are getting on our shit about our stealing the ho bitches panties cause you're queer!" I laughed and said that even if my sexuality were to be fair game- theft is Conduct Unbecoming- to use a military term... And that sobered the childish cow orkers up a while. By calling them out on- Stupid as Stupid. But even this week- there were&are accusations of gobsmackingly immature fantasy level crap for how someone holds a cigarette! Seriously- I told the cretin to get a life... "You say our boss is what?? You know that from how he holds that smokeless vaporiser thing?? Get a life, eh?" He wanted to denounce our boss over how the guy holds a cigarette! Sigh, of such are accusations born. Ones that have zero validity other than proving some people are cretins with no life:> Lest we forget how far we've got to go before being considered equal. And nope- we're not all supposed to martyr ourselves as part of some mythical common causes. We are supposed to balance self-preservation with mindfulness that Every. Step. Is. Important. Teal Deer: Stand your ground and speak truth to that which only thinks it's got power:>
