I am hoping to come out to my best friend this weekend. You might think it odd that I haven't come out to her before, but it's just so hard because she's such an old friend. We've talked about homosexuality before (in fact it often comes up) and I have spent more than a decade denying to her that I am gay or even bisexual. I have explicitly denied being bisexual or ever being attracted to women on many occasions, including recently. So I am, essentially, going to have to say that I lied. Or not that I lied, but maybe that I only really just realised and came to terms with it. Or whatever words my mouth manages to come out with. But in any case, it's not homophobia that I'm worried about, it's that she'll think I've been lying to her all these years and that she'll be hurt, and perhaps angry, about it. Also that she might be weird around me and think things have changed. I will, whether she asks or not, make it clear that I don't, and have never, felt that way about her (which I haven't). Just so that she's not wondering (she's straight). I have to do it, because I can't not tell her, not any more. It's not fair on her. But I'm really worried! Wish me luck!
I think you've found the focal point of what you want to get across - you don't want your friend to think you're a liar. So make that the focal point of your talk. Let her know that you've wanted her to know for oh-so-long, but after all your denials leading up to your eventual discovery, you didn't know how to backtrack. I think if you frame things that way, she'll understand. Lex
I wish you all the luck in the world. Hopefully she'll understand that the reason you didn't tell her wasn't because you wanted to lie but because you weren't ready or you weren't sure (I'm not a hundred percent clear on which one is the case, but I probably just misread something). Let us know how it goes.
Best of luck ccdd I was absolutely terrified when I had to come out to my best friend, my reasons for keeping it secret were the same as yours. For me, coming out to him was a horrible experience and I didn't handle it well so it didn't go at all the way I planned it. But he's still my best friend. I'm sure that your friend's opinion of you won't change if you come out, my friend understood why I had to lie for all those years so I hope things go well for you too Let us know how it goes (*hug*)
Don't lie to her about how long you have known/ accepted it. Instead make sure she knows that the reason it took you so long to come out to her is that you care most about what she thinks. Explain to her that you finally feel like you can be honest, but this doesn't have to change who you are or your relationship with her at all. Reinforce that you haven't been trying to lie to her, but starting to come out to people really close to you can be very scary. If she is that good a friend, which I suspect she is, she will be ok with it. Best of luck! You have to post how it went!
I don't think she'll think you lied to her. Just try to get across to her that you didn't intentionally keep it from her. That it you just finally came to terms with it. She sounds like a really good friend and will probably be happy that you've finally found who you are. Good luck. I'm sure things will work out.
Good luck. Don't worry. If she's a great friend she'll realize how hard this is for you, and instead of being mad at all the times you didn't tell her, be overjoyed that you are finally now able to do so. And, good luck!!! (*hug*)
Aww, I don't think she'll feel that you lied to her. You were just afraid that she would judge you, so you told her that you weren't. Maybe she will see you coming out to her as a sign that you trust her. Anyway-It will go fine, good luck! (*hug*)
Hi ccdd! When I came out to my friend, I had the same thoughts. I realized that I would need to tell him that I wasn't honest with him. It is difficult. But I think she will understand that it is/was difficult for you to tell her or talk to her about it. you could tell her that for a long time you had to figure it out for yourself first before you could tell her. I wish you all the best. Good Luck! Do let us know how it went.
Hmm I know what you mean. If she asks, just say you weren't ready and the timing wasn't right for you. Make it about you, and not her. Good luck
Good luck! I worried about people being angry / upset that I hadn't told them before. But they weren't. Most people understand that this isn't something that we're able to talk about easily, and that it often takes us time to come to terms with it ourselves. Don't sweat it!
