Hey guys, I haven't been on here for a while, but I need some help and I knew this was the place to come. To give some background, In the space of six months, from January to June last year, I went from being out to no one to being out to pretty much everyone, whether that be through me telling them or 'the grape vine'. So now, a year on from telling my parents, and having thought I was alright with who I am, I notice that not a day goes by where I don't regret coming out, at least momentarily. My biggest problem is that I don't understand why. Nothing changed between me and my friends and family when I came out, so why am I so uncomfortable with being gay? I think my biggest problem is that I have only one gay friend, and I never see him. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this stuff, as much as my friends might encourage me to. I hate gay bars and clubs, probably because I'm self conscious about people stereotyping me. I guess I go through bouts where I feel worse about it. It's not like I'm depressed, in fact I'm generally perfectly content, but I guess I envy those who have no reservations about who they are. Thanks to anyone who read this, and any thoughts?
I just came out wednesday and in the past few days I've started feeling the exact same thing =\ It's like, I should be happier, and thankful that everyone knows and accepts me, but it's scary having everyone know what was for all my life, this 'personal secret that nobody could know'. I don't know if it's because I feel like people are judging me, or maybe I want to be straight just because it would be easier? I've no clue really... It makes no sense, but I'm there with you.
I really want to have some wonderful words of advice on this one but it really wasn't something I experienced so I'm not sure. I will say I waited until I was three or four years older than you are to come out and it has been one of the biggest regrets of my life, so congrats on avoiding that one. I guess if I were you I would try to think through what I really think would be different/better if I hadn't come out and then really try to work on that list. The other thing I would do is look hard at why the whole "stereotyping" thing bothers you so much--what is it you are afraid people will think? If you isolated it you might be able to either overcome the fear or at least take steps to prevent whatever it is you think people might think. Then I guess I would look at ways to meet other gay guys as friends--are there any sort of youth/support groups in your area? Maybe a sports league, a book club--here in Chicago you can do just about anything you can do with a mixed/straight group with a gay group if you look hard enough--maybe it's like that in London too? Good luck. It really does get better...
dude when i came out to my peers they did the same thing i still keep talking of the subject hoping to get a reply back
For gay friends: I don't know if it's still popular, but when I was in London and looking for gay friends I used a website called outeverywhere (or outintheuk). With the introduction of apps etc... since then - I'm not sure if it's still as popular, but there used be lots of social events that you could attend and make new friends. Might be worth a try. As for feelings of uncomfortableness and regret - consider that maybe the feeling is more about loss or grief. Personally, for a while after coming out I kind of missed the feeling of having a secret that was just mine and no one else's and like the battle or the search for meaning became less profound and intense. Even though being in the closet wasn't pleasant, it was an experience and a feeling that I was used to. In an odd way, I think I kind of enjoyed feeling bad. Some negative feelings have the propensity to be addictive, and when you lose that feeling - there's kind of a "coming down" process. I don't know how else to put it, sorry. And sorry if I'm completely on the wrong track with this. Peace be with you.
