Want To Come Out To Best Friend....Last Rejection Fears Me To Do So

In the last few months...I've been growing and breaking down walls. I had a lot of great friends made. One in particular I became attracted to cuz of love of music. I had really gotten to now him very well, and I would consider him my best friend. He and I motivated each other to go to the gym. I helped him through the time when he was contemplating getting engaged. Hes help me through a tough time with a former best friend(girl) who I confessed feelings for...but she didn't see the same. He even made me his best man. Now with the crushing blow of a former friend rejecting me, I been making strives to improve myself, being more confident in myself, and not being so overtly nice that I am seen as a brother. My thing is now, I've still not out to anyone about being bisexual. Its something I struggled within myself for years. I am allowing myself to get more loose, have fun when I go out. I'll even throw out inneundos at my friends...cuz thats the kinda crowd we are...doing it in friendly jest. Whenever I have fun, the thought of wanting to come out and tell someone overcomes me, and I get silent and regress. And some people notice it and ask me whats wrong...but I would just say...I am ok...I'm just deep into thought about my friend that rejected me. But it kills me cuz I want to share this with someone I trust...and my best guy friend is the friend I want to share with the most first, because he shared stuff with me and trusted me enough to be his best man. I want him to be happy cuz he deserves it. I know he'll be understanding because he has a lesbian sister and one day eating out with a mutual girl friend thats bi....she mentioned the fact shes very open minded...he also said hes very open minded. I don't know if hes throwing out hints that he knows and just waiting for me to open up. The one thing that is stopping me from doing so is that I also have a bit of a sexual attraction to him. Mind you, I know hes straight and I am positive he doesn't feel the same about me in that way. Plus, hes engaged and I want him to keep it that way cuz hes fiance is smokin hot and too good of a woman for him. I am just worried that if I tell him I'm bi, that maybe my feelings for him might come up as a thought if he asked. Again, the main reason for me to tell him is because I do trust him the most and I want to start to become even more conifdent in myself so I can attract someone. I feel I can do that if I start opening up. I just don't want the same thing that happened with my former lady friend who I thought was my best friend...but she now ignores me. I don't have really much experience in anything and I am about to turn 30.

 

Last night, I spent some good time with him. We were cracking jokes and of course he calls me my "cute" nickname that knows get to me. I said right back at him with a nickname of my own. He says I like when you call me that. Mind you, this was happening with his fiance around....LOL. And he says...oh you sound so gay when you say that. And in the back of my mind...I wanted to say sorta and get serious. But I played it off. UGH! This is so hard!