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Advice for coming out to difficult parents, and advice for self confidence

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by silentandafraid, Jun 16, 2014.

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  1. silentandafraid

    silentandafraid Guest

    Advice for coming out to difficult parents, and advice for self confidence?

    Well, my main question is how do i go about coming out to my parents? but im going to give yall some back story. Im 14 years old, pansexual, genderqueer/bigender, and plan on coming out on my 15th birthday. Ive struggled with accepting myself for awhile, because of my parents religious views. I was coming out to people but i got to know a guy, i told him i was pansexual, and he told me i was going to burn in hell, so i havent come out to anyone since. I still break down, even typing this, when i think about what my parents and even others might think. Ive been bullied since kindergarten, one way or another, and its gonna be worse, when i start high school in two months. I have no friend i can turn to in this, i only have a few and im afraid of the judgement.. I find myself crying because someone threw the word d*ke at me or some other word. I self harm, in many ways, because of this(and other reasons, but i am trying to stop and i am 1 month clean). And my parents make it worse sometimes. I have heard my parents talking crap about my gay cousin, or making fun of a trans on T.V. I even remember when i got an I <3 boobies braclet(just to support the cure for breast cancer) and my dad said "what are you a d*ke now?" and brushed it off like it was funny.. but my dad is the worst one here, he even said that when i wore a tux for 8th grade promotion.. it seems like the people at my school are more accepting than my dad, and thats saying something.. My mom on the other hand just thinks im too young to know(my brother said that too when i tried to reach out to him). Ive tried making a coming out note, but i couldnt go through with it, i burned it, literally. My mom isnt against homosexual and heterosexuals, but everything inbetween(i know theres a word for it but i foregot it). I guess thats pretty much it, so any help? :tears:
     
    #1 silentandafraid, Jun 16, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 17, 2014
  2. PatrickUK

    PatrickUK
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    You have already experienced a lot of pain and distress and I'm really wondering if you are in the best place emotionally to take anymore, which seems likely if you tell your parents now. You have done so well to not injure or harm yourself for a month and I wonder if a bad reaction could set you right back, or even make things worse?

    The closet is a terrible place to be, there's no doubt about that, but sometimes it can be safer to remain there when the reaction to coming out could be so horrific. It really goes against the grain for me to say this, and it's probably not what you want to hear, but unless you have somewhere else to go I really think you should reconsider your plan to come out on your 15th birthday. Your safety and security must always take priority, even if that means maintaining a lie and staying in the closet.

    It must be very hard for you to live like this, but sometimes we have to decide between the lesser of two evils and reach out for love and support while we are in a bad place. By joining this forum, you have made a start on reaching out and we will all support you, no matter what you decide, but please think carefully about this plan. There will be a time in the future when you can come out without all of the fear and complication, but I don't think now is the time.
     
    #2 PatrickUK, Jun 17, 2014
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