The longer I've thought about it, the more I realize that I have to choose between getting gender reassignment surgery or my family members, including my mom and possibly my dad. I don't even know if I'll have my youngers sister. I'm so torn because I want both. I've barely came out to my mom around 6 years ago about wanting to be a boy. I heard her say, " I know " and that was the end of the conversation. She didn't look at me, she didn't talk to me about it, it was like she hated the idea all around but didn't want to say anything. I remember having a conversation with her and my sister in the car on the topic of GRS. She said that it's not right for someone to want to change and that they needed to stay the gender they where born with. I felt like she was directing at me. I plan on coming out to them when I finally move out and find my own place but I don't know what to say. I don't even know how to start. I know that I want to transition and I will do anything to gain the money just to transition. I hear that transgenders can be denied the operation and I fear that as well. Coming out to people and then being denied of getting the surgery. I'll have lost both my family and my main goal.
If you want to be male, than (*e?) be male. I understand that your family is worried, maybe even upset about your decision. Your family will come to understand that your decision made you happy, and in the end it will make them happy ( Hopefully. ) Break it to them easily. Don't just blurt it all out in one sentence, it might be too fatal if you do. I know here in the US if you are transgender you cannot be denied the surgery ( Transgender people cannot be denied sex-reassignment Medicare coverage | Society | theguardian.com There are other articles stating the ban on this surgery in general was also uplifted. ) But again, don't down yourself! You won't lose your family, they'll have to come around and learn to accept you for who you are.
You may find a way to reconcile this with your family. It may be that eventually they'll come to terms with it, and decide that it's better to have a son than nothing at all. But you can't count on it. However, it's sure as hell they're not going to give you permission, so if you go ahead, it's a risk you'll have to take. If you do lose your family, you will have done everything you can to prevent it, and it would have been their fault in trying to deny you happiness. If you decide your family is more important, are you prepared to never be able to live as a man? But perhaps more significantly, are you prepared to live with the people who prevented it? I know that if my parents were responsible for preventing me from transition, be it through emotional blackmail or more concrete means, I'd never forgive them.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know the feeling of not wanting to lose your family; I'm also scared of losing mine if I come out. I don't have any advice for you; just offering a sympathetic virtual hug. I hope one day you can find the courage to be who you want to be. *HUGS*
