Although I've taken a vow of patience with regards to being on the dating scene until I can financially support myself, I'm thinking of very slowly coming out to select people. My parents live separately. I live with my mother who is very religious. My father isn't so religious since they separated. My father and I are quite alike, which can be a good thing when we are having d&m's because we are on the same wave length. However, we can tend to butt heads often times. I have been really struggling the past few weeks. I've gotten into a bit of a rut I suppose. I desperately need someone to talk to. I've been thinking for a long time now that I'd like to come out to my father. For some reason I don't think he'd be entirely surprised. The only reason I've held off for so long is that I'm dreading what I suppose would be typical questions or responses one would get from parents. Examples: Its just a phase. You've never been with anyone before, so you don't really know. You're too young to know. Just because you have feelings doesn't mean you need to express them. ..I'm really dreading my father using one or all of these on me. I hope I don't come of as childish with this here post. I have a bit of an idea of how I would counter these responses. But I'm just curious to see if you have any different ideas as to how to maturely and tactfully handle these frustratingly typical responses to coming out. The more input the merrier! Thanks for reading! :smilewave
1. "Phases end. This would be an awfully long phase." (Eventually he'd realize it wasn't ending, too.) 2. "Did you know your sexuality before dating? 'Cause most people do." 3. "Actually, most people know their sexuality in their teenage years. I'm plenty old enough to know." 4. "I shouldn't have to hide who I am." Those are some examples of things you should try to communicate to him.
Hi Lauren. dont worry it'l turn out well. be prepared to get such questions/responses. i'd suggest to stay calm and listen fully to your dad before you jump into explaining your views/responses. let him speak his heart out first, understand his mood and then reply. good to know that you and your dad are like minded, but parents are parents, they'l always be worried about thr kids and thr future. he may ask one or all of these questions as you mentioned, you dont necessarily have to answer evrything at the moment, time wil make him understand your feelings better. so go ahead and tell him if you think you cant wait anymore and this is the time. you'l be good
You are 21 years old; if you were "too young to know" I would be shocked. Most people show sexual urges and desire to date by 11-14, and by 16 the grand majority will have some kind of experience; whether it be sexual or a non-sexual relationship or crushes. For the first one, any sexuality can be a phase, even heterosexuality. Heterosexual phases can last until someone's 20's; but It's never questioned. And any sexuality can be static. You definitely don't need to date someone to know, otherwise everyone would be asexual until they tested things out.
Thanks for the input ladies! YuriCore..I never thought of countering the "you've never been with anyone before, so you don't really know" response with a simple question like that. Thanks! I really like that. girlpower..That's exactly what someone like me needs to hear. Sometimes I can tend to get emotional during "big" talks like this (especially with my father). To remain calm and listen to my father (who is hearing this information for the first time which may or may not be a shock) is what I personally need to get through my brain thoroughly before I actually come out. Thank you for your mature advice and encouragement. (*hug*) Fallingdown7..I have to admit the whole "phase" thing really annoys me. I don't really know what to think of it. I used to cop the phase comments from my parents a lot growing up. I never really felt like how I was feeling or what I was into at the time was ever really me because of those comments. But I don't want to shift blame on to anyone. I'm trying to pull myself out of those childish ways and be responsible for my own actions nowadays. Thanks for your unbiased, logical comment about the "phase" response. I really appreciate it! :icon_wink
I totally understand your frustration. Our 18 yr old son came out to us this last Sept. After it all unfolded, I read what its like for people coming out to their parents and it was almost excatly how it went for us. My son ended up taking on the parental role for awhile, bless his heart...he was amazing! He stayed calm and cool the whole time. He answered my questions matter of factly and with confidence. He did not drag anything out, no long responses, just to the point. He showed me lots of love during this time as if he really understood that I had to go through the emotions of some kind of loss even though I was excepting I felt loss, it was weird. He is very smart, I bet he did a lot of reading for a very long time before coming out. He's pretty slick lol. All is good here and I know as long as you have plenty of support you will be fine. (*hug*)
