I want a bran new start on almost everything in my life. Last night I even had a dream that I faked my own death and then snuck across the Canadian boarder and started a new life and I was so happy. I feel like I am just pretending to be something I am not just to be with my friends. At times I feel like just dropping everyone I know and completely redefining myself to be who I want to be. There are definitely some people who I am myself around but they are few and far between, and I hardly ever see them (perhaps that is why I'm not afraid to be me around them). I just wish there was some way I could do this but if I drop my so called friends now for a fresh start I would be left alone until the school starts in late September when I can finally be myself and find people who like my purely for that reason. But until then I am stuck alone either pretending to be friends with people who are constantly trying to change me and won't even humor the idea that maybe I'm actually gay, or spend that month in total solitary rotting away in my house alone with no one to talk to.
hehe... I sort of did this when I went to college (well, a week ago). I just started going by Miles (not my birth name) and most people use male pronouns (including my female roommate). It is pretty awesome. Try starting fresh at college.
I agree with Miles. College will be coming up soon for you and that's a fresh start for everyone. Towards the end of my senior year I just quit caring what other people thought of me. I came out and just decided "I'm never going to see these losers again. So if they don't except me now, what does it matter?" I think even in high school you can start over. I mean, it could get really lonely for the time being, but just remember that its not permanent. You have college coming up and the rest of your life. And then there's always E.C. for when you're feeling lonely. We'll always be there for you.
Well, first off, faking your own death probably isn't the best solution here. But, seriously, by your age I would guess that you are going into your senior year. My brother is about to head off to college, and I just watched him go through the same process. It is tough when you outgrow a place that isn't ready to grow with you, but hang it there. My advice would be to throw yourself full force into your senior year. Embrace the craziness of college apps and everything else that goes on and enjoy it. Try to keep looking forward- trust me your senior year will fly by. You might even stop really liking your friends that much, but remember that you are all growing up and you are preparing to start a new life, which can be a scary thing. Keep your head up dear, you don't have that far to go =D
Late September isn't too far away, so just hang in there and you can open up and act more like the person you want to be when you start college
Are there other places you can find some new people to hang out with now? Or are you stuck waiting until school starts? Lex
well there are one or two places I can go once in a while but it is only like once a week and I am lucky if there is anyone else there let alone someone I actually want to spend time with and the rest of the time I am stuck at home with no one but myself.
Well, judging from your other posts, your friends aren't very friend-like. So maybe you should just spend some more time alone. But that doesn't mean you should spend the next six weeks perfecting your Xbox skills. Instead, work on improving yourself. Most of us have something that we wish we were better at. Well, you've got six weeks to improve, so get on it. Feel a bit too heavy? A bit sluggish? No energy? Get started on an exercise program. Is your room always a mess? Start cleaning and organizing. Feeling clumsy? Get a tai-chi DVD and start practicing. Feel uninteresting? Go to the library and look into new hobbies or areas of interest. Not crazy about your looks? Try out a new hairstyle (you'll have six weeks to grow it back if it doesn't work), and go shopping for some different clothes. Doing any of these, or anything like it, can help make you a more confident person, which attracts friends better than anything. Lex
