So i finished reading the replies from my last thread . If you didnt read it its pretty much i confused on my orientation. And of my comments is a 15 year old who said she had the similar things as me, feels awesome knowing i am not the only person who is struggling in that way. I realized that coming out to my family isnt the problem its that i havent truely accepted that I am into females within. I asked if i was bisexual because i find guys sometimes cute and a person said just because you find him cute doesnt mean your bisexual see it as "would you make out with him" it clicked for a second that i am a lesbian. I want a emotional and sexual relationship with a woman. I want to get married one day to a woman. But then the doubts came back.. like "what if im not gay?" What if that not the right orientation for me.. "Maybe i'm bisexual" As you can see i am somehow still asking myself what i am. I feel like i am lying to myself in thinking im bisexual, in forcing myself to like a guy because of not fully accepting myself. And i try so hard to just be like you know what YOU'RE GAY and thats final. I want to come out already and i have no idea why i havent because my family would be supportive.. Think who i have to come out to Is to myself if that makes sense. to look in the mirror and be proud of who i am.
Along the coming out journey there are a number of stages, one of which is bargaining. It could be that you are at that stage now. No matter how accepting the people around us are, we are acutely aware that wider society is not so accepting and one day we will have to deal with some of those elements within wider society. Early in the journey that thought is so scary that it just keeps us firmly planted in the closet. At a certain point on the journey when our awareness increases we begin to negotiate/bargain with ourselves. At this point we may seriously question our orientation and start to pay greater attention to how attracted we are to both sexes, and very often at this point people will take the slightest attraction to the opposite sex as confirmation of bisexuality. Not necessarily so! It is entirely possible for a gay man/woman to see beauty in the opposite sex, without giving way to any romantic or sexual inclination. So it's just as important to pay attention to our response to attraction at this stage. At the bargaining stage some people feel more comfortable with the idea of being bisexual. It seems more tolerable than being gay as you still have a foot in the straight camp and retain a connection to the orientation of the majority. Of course, these feelings may be real and that's why you need to understand your response to attraction in both sexes. Is this something that is real or are you just trying to conform/relate to the majority? It's a process that most of us have to go through and it can last a while. It can seem very confusing, but it's worth taking the time to really understand your orientation now, rather than making a rash choice that leads you right back to this place years down the line. Once you have passed through this stage you are closer to self acceptance (probably the most important point on the journey before coming out).
Thank you so much in helping me with this one and my last thread. You are right i dont have to rush in finding what i am ill let it take its on path and see what i end up being. Thank you once again !
