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I came out to my mom and it sucks as much as I thought it would

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Daye419, Jun 18, 2014.

  1. Daye419

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    Several months ago I posted here because my partner and I are engaged and wanted to figure out if I could get married without coming out to this one final person:my mom. I decided to go ahead and do it. It took me months of planning and preparation and I finally did it two days ago.

    She didn't respond to my letter for a day and when she did it was a biblical rant about how I'm unnatural, need deliverance, have disappointed her and God, that she and God hate sin, and by the way I still love you. I just responded with I love you too. I haven't heard from her since then.

    I realize that this is better than many people get and I know that it could shift over time. It still feels really shitty. I'm angry that this person who is supposed to love me unconditionally can't do that. I've had so much support from so many people and that has been wonderful but none of them are her. None of them are the one person I really wanted, needed to support me fully. I don't really have a question or a point to this post. I just felt the need to talk about it.
     
  2. Najlen

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    I'm sorry.(*hug*) It's good that she said she still loves you. It seems like you have a good chance of her coming around, or at least of her accepting you even if she doesn't think it's right. If she hasn't said anything to you for a while, maybe you should call or e-mail or something, to say hi at least. I don't know.
    Congratulations on your engagement!
     
  3. ChloeKiss

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    Aw :frowning2: I am so sorry! I don't know what to say.. Besides hopefully she will come around.. I get so sad reading posts like this.. No one deserves to feel unloved and unsupported especially from their own mother.. the person who bought you into this world. Saying that she hates the ''sin'' but still loves you is no different than saying hate the sin love the sinner. WHAT SIN? What have you done that has harmed another person? SIN is when a person deliberately sets out to attack another. Love is not sin.. People need to wake up.

    I'm sorry you're feeling down (*hug*)
     
  4. Teslahemian

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    I'm so sorry to hear this. Religion can be strongly ingrained in a person's life, and affect their choices, views, and how they react to life. It's not evil or anything like that, but it does suck when it can be so segregating.

    The thing to be optimistic about is that at least the relationship is still there. She still loves you and you still love her. Now, it's just a matter of getting through everything in between through good communication and mutual respect. I'm sure it'll work out, just have to have patience.

    But, again, I'm really sorry. I think everyone deserves to be fully accepted and loved. Thanks for sharing your experience, you are brave for going through with it and I think that says a lot about you.
     
  5. TeePee

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    I get what you are going through. I went through something simila. About 3 years ago i came out to my uncle, the one person i felt we were closest (both my parents are deceased). He basically said the same things your mom said. He told me about how it was unnatural and not what God wants. He also asked me not to ''defile'' my body by acting on my homosexual urges as he ''wanted to meet me in heaven''.....oh and the '' i still love you'' part came at the end of the email as well. Now we don't discuss it, it's like it never happened....maybe he intentionally blocked it out of his mind, i don't know. Just hang in there she'll adjust as she'll realise you are still the old you.
     
  6. Chip

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    Very sorry you had to experience this. It's a profound letdown and really feels shitty. The ray of hope I can offer is that if you think about the stages of loss (loss of perception you're straight)... denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance... you could well be seeing the normal anger response here. Of course, it's amplified by religious bigotry, but the "I still love you" at the end tells me that she is struggling with reconciling two things that are both very important to her... you, and her faith.

    And, too, she's only had a few days to process this... which isn't enough time to really be able to integrate this sort of conflict in her schema of the world.

    So I'd say there's an excellent chance that as she thinks more and comes to terms, it will get a lot easier. Maybe not in a week or even a month... but in this case, I'd be pretty confident she'll come around.