I'm currently a college freshman. I'm in the closet, but I'm considering coming out to my group of friends. Most of them are fairly liberal and probably wouldn't think twice if I revealed my orientation. However, there is one guy in the group who is quite conservative and, as a result, quite homophobic. Naturally, this is also a guy who I have a bit of a crush on. If he learned that I was gay, he would either freeze up in terror or walk away (although I have the ridiculous notion that he might actually be gay himself). He's a good friend, and we have spent a considerable amount of time together outside of class (I've helped him with school work and we've watched a ton of anime together). Is it worth risking this friendship by coming out? I'm not sure how I'll react if he completely shuns me. I'm also not sure how the others will treat him or me afterwards. Should I still come out? I know the decision's mine, but any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
From what you have said, there is little chance that he is going to be interested in you except as a friend, so the only reason to come out to him is if you feel that you need to come out in general for your own needs. If you do, and he rejects you, then you will know that he was only interested in being friends with the fictitious character you were acting out to satisfy his prejudices, and not the real person you are, so it will not be that great of a loss. Crushing on someone who is straight but gay friendly is one thing; crushing on someone who is straight and homophobic sounds like a dead end to me. Probably time to get it over with, come out, and move on if he or your other friends freak. Sorry that the prognosis isn't happier.
Thanks for the advice. I don't believe I've ever pretended to be a different person for my friend's sake. Heck, I've even flirted with the guy. He's just so certain that he'd be able to tell if someone's homosexual just by meeting them, that he's incapable of seeing what's right in front of him.
I suggest not staying in the closet to please others by letting them continue to like who they expect you to me, or out of fear of people not accepting you, because that's there fault and you shouldn't live in fear (unless it's reasonable and of your safety). So I suggest coming out. Hopefully if he has that much of a problem with it your group will hang out with you and not him if it can only be one. Good luck! Let us know how it goes if you decide to
