Okay, after my dad had picked me up from work, we pulled into the driveway and started talking about religion(He's a full on Christian while I consider myself Christian, but I don't really practice it) which I really didn't want to, but he sort of steered it that way. Even though he's super religious, he's very accepting of other people's beliefs, so discussing this with him isn't awkward, I just didn't want to because I was tired. Well the subject of me not going to church comes up(he's not mad or upset that I don't go, it just came up). I told him their was multiple reasons why I stopped attending and I told him a few, one of them is me being gay, but I didn't tell him that one. Then homosexuality somehow comes up and I completely froze. I sort of knew what he thought about it, but I never heard him say it. To sum up what he said he thinks it is a sin, and that it goes against nature. It wasn't in a "hateful" way I guess, but it made me go silent and made me very uncomfortable. Then the conversation went sort of like this: Him: "So do you get what I'm saying?" Me: *silence* Him: "Since you went silent, I guess you don't?" Me: "........yeah" Him: "Why's that? Me: "I just don't agree." Him: "Okay, I'm guessing that's one of the other reason why you stopped going to church?" Me: "yeah" I pretty much had enough of this discussion, so I quickly got out of the car and started heading towards the house. As I got to the door, he yelled for me to stop, I did, and he said "I hope you know even though I said all of that, I'm still accepting of it." I just nodded and headed on into the house. So I'm not entirely sure if he figured out that I'm gay or what, either way, I think he might have the ideal and I'm really scared and sort of relieved. That whole thing blindsided me and I was just not ready for it, so I'm sort of freaking out about it. I really do not know what to do now...
When I was younger my father similarly asked/hinted if I was gay. I denied it and denied it and denied it. This came back to bite me in the ass when he passed away and I never was able to come out, talk to him and show him who his son really was. I would suggest looking at this as an opportunity to have a discussion with your father and repair this gap. You never know what the future holds.
All I can say to you is at least he's made it clear that he'll still love you no matter what, and that even though his beliefs might cloud the way, you're still his son and he loves you no matter if you're gay, straight, bisexual or transsexual. I would really take this time to talk to him though, and tell him how you are feeling, he's got a hint of it already and he probably just wants you to open up to him. I would try it. But hey, that's just my 2 cents.
Absol If you can't speak about it, how about writing a letter? It really helped me. Even writing the letter (without giving it to him) will help you to organise your thoughts.
Perhaps fathers know more than you give them credit for and that was his way of approaching the subject without coming out full on blunt with "Are you gay"? And like McShuggles said his comment of "I'm accepting of it" was his way of saying that he would love you no matter what?
Absol, you are out; he knows; he doesn't hate you; he just doesn't understand you, because he is not gay and doesn't know how it feels to know you are gay. This is where you can help him and help yourself at the same time. Explain to him how you feel. How you are attracted to other guys. That you don't feel the same interest in girls. That it is not something you are choosing, just something that is a fact. That you still consider yourself to a Christian, but that you don't want to associate with people at church and hear them tell you that you are an evil sinner for feeling the way that you naturally feel, which does not feel like any kind of sin to you. If you need some thought-out information on this topic to educate your parents with, round up some PFLAG material and make it available for your parents to read, so you won't have to explain everything yourself.
Sorry for taking so long to respond, I needed some time to think. You guys are right, I actually knew my dad (and mother) were suspicious and I knew they would be somewhat okay with it, but I just never wanted to hear it. I spent a good portion of my life hating myself for being gay because I thought my parents would disown me, so I didn't say a word about it to anyone (until last year) in fear of them somehow finding out. To learn that my dad would be accepting honestly made me more angry than relieved. Deep down inside me, I sort of wished they hated me, called me all the names, kick me out, and disown me so it could justify all those years of me staying quite. But now, all of those years feel like a waste, just a big chunk of life gone because I didn't "live" during that time. To find out that if I had talked to them when I started feeling this way, my life would of probably been much better than what it is today, and that's just a punch to the gut for me. What's even worse, that was really messed up and selfish way to feel. They're people out there who were hated, called all the names, kicked out of their home, and disowned, and they would of gave anything for parents that accepted them. I wished I hadn't felt that way, but now... I've learned that I can't do anything about the past and frankly, I'm really tired of the word "if". Regretting about things that you did or didn't do in past doesn't do a damn thing and the only way to find peace with yourself is to accept the life you have and strive for the future you want. So yeah I think I'm finally ready let go of the past and I'm think I'm ready to talk to my parents, but first I want to come out to my sister because she should be the next person I tell. My parents will be next, I'm still trying to figure how I want to go about it, but I'm ready to tell them. I really want to thank y'all for your responses, I read them multiple times over the past couple of days and they really helped to put things in perspective. So thank you very very much.
The way he stopped you at the end and said 'He's still accepting of it' made me think twice. i suggest you try to discuss this another time with him.. obviously not directly but to know his point of view once again. you would know better if he can have an idea of you being gay? do your 'friends' stay over at your place sometimes? or any other special friend which your dad is aware of.. he might have got some hint from all of this.. which i believe is a very good sign.
