Ever since I started coming to terms with my gender and sexual preferences in my early teen years, I have found myself pushing people away, not wanting to get close to anyone, I aways feared they would find out who I really am or want to be, I really only have one person I can truly call friend, and i dont even tell him everything. So If I come out and tell everyone, do you think it will make a difference? Will I still push people away for fear of being hurt or made fun of? Or maybe there will be some people who will accept me for who I am and still wanna get to know me. Any thoughts?
I think that it could help, yes. Only tell people you can trust, though. It is hard for me to open up to anyone, it's just something that I've had to gradually work on. I wouldn't come out so that I could open up to someone though, I would come out because I trust them already. I think that a lot of people will accept you and want to get to know you, but they will be discouraged if you push them away. Do what feels right; if you are ready to come out to everyone, go ahead and do it. If you aren't comfortable with that, I would advise telling a few people at a time. Don't rush it.
Ok but how do you know whom and who not to trust? I feel so alone a lot of the time, and it would be so nice to just talk about things without fear of getting hurt. I know there are some who would probably not judge me or hurt me, but how do you know who those people are? I have been debating starting to let people know, I have told my best friend that I am bi, but nothing about my gender issues, and trying to get up the nerve to tell my kids everything, and I know they would still love me, but just cant seem to so far. So in my mind im thinking do I wanna be lonely and live in fear of being hurt, or do I just wanna let it out and see what happens.
Hi there! Reading through your original post and your reply, I get the sense that you have built up some pretty strong defenses, and understandably so. Knowing your social circle, closing up and trying to keep others at bay, is how you felt, and perhaps still feel, comfortable. Coming out could make a difference. Coming out allows you to let out all of the stresses that have been building up inside of you over the last while. Coming out will bring about some anxiety as you are making yourself quite vulnerable and are entering uncharted territory but it could help you to become more comfortable with yourself, and start living your life. Take it step by step. Try not to worry about coming out to your kids just yet, or to everybody else for that matter. Start with one person that you know you can trust (for example your friend). If you can call your friend, to be 'truly your friend,' there is something to it, and could be indicative of that you are trusting him. If you feel that you would like to come out, maybe start with one thing you would like your friend to know. Starting to come out as bisexual without revealing anything or too much about the gender issues you are facing, that would be fine. Are there any LGBTQ* or any men, support groups in your area?
Im just read your post, and Im sitting here thinking, and wondering. I dont think it would be hard for me now to come out as Bisexual, even with all the homophobes at work. Its not like im attracted to them, well not a lot of them anyway. They all look at me as different anyway. I think the main thing I hide from everyone is which gender I prefer to be on any one given day. I would have no idea how people would react to that, and even then try to explain it to people, when I dont even fully understand. Im just tired of hiding and wanna be able just to be me, and not have to be lonely.Seriously considering it but scared.
Hi there! I would still encourage you to take it slow, and only to come out to people that you can trust or know would be supportive. It would be good to make sure that your first coming out in particular goes well, which will help you to gain some confidence not only in who you are, but also in continuing to come out, and taking down the brick wall. Yes. It comes down to as to how much you feel people should know about you. Do they need to know everything? Probably not. Take your time. Ask yourself out loud, 'am I ready to start coming out?' Gauge how you feel as you ask yourself that and take it from there. If you feel too queasy, give it some more time.
Think im gonna follow that good advise and take it slow and see how it goes. Thx everyone for the input, really appreciate u all
I have always pushed people away as well, been accused my entire life of being emotionally distant. This was true, and I never knew what was wrong with me and why I did it,, and about 9 months ago is when I first realized I was gay. Then everything changed. As I began to accept myself more, and the more people I tell, the better I feel and the closer I let people become. I think a part of this is that I have discovered that my family and friends love and support me regardless of whether I'm straight or gay, and it was much easier to let them in. If someone is not accepting, then that is their problem, not mine, and it's time to move on (fortunately that hasn't been an issue). Not only am I in the process of acceptance, and coming out, but also this new experience of becoming emotionally close with others. It's a very foreign, yet incredibly liberating experience. I think I kept everyone at a distance because I didn't want them to see the real me, and I didn't want to see it either. As for who you can trust and who to tell, go with your instincts. Is there anyone who you are really close to, that seems open minded? I've noticed that every once in awhile, there is another person that I am ready to tell, and I wait for the right time and I do it. It's not a secret, but I'm not shouting out from the roof tops either. Go with what feels right, and I hope you will be able to experience the inner peace that I have begun to experience.
I think even talking about things here and being able to ask questions has helped me alot so far. Its easier to talk to people online anonymously than in person tho. Its so hard to break the habit of pushing people away or just not letting them get close, but I think you are right when I start coming out It may be easier than I think. When you started telliing people, did the people you told keep it to themselves or did the gossip about it start? And was it hard for you to start trusting and opening up?
The people I told, as far as I know have kept it to themselves. I didn't ask them to, but I don't think gossiped or if they have I'm not aware of it. The only person who told other people was my ex-husband, and I understand that because he had to deal with this as well. I tell people, and move on. If they have questions or want to discuss it, then I'm ok with that, but otherwise I go on with my life. I didn't find it hard to trust and open up. But I had really good experiences. The first person I chose to tell was someone I respected and admired, and I knew she was gay. I think that first person is very important. If I'd had a different reaction, I may not have told anyone else. And I'm glad I did tell others, because their reactions have also been positive. Even my ex-husband, he was more upset that I didn't tell him when I suspected than the fact that I'm gay. His response was you are who you are. So, I think the positive experiences made it easier for me to trust, but everyone's experiences will differ and that will determine your level of trust I honestly cannot begin to describe how much has changed in terms of no longer pushing people away or letting them close. I have more close relationships than I ever have, and the first time I came out was 4 months ago. For me, everything changed. But I also saw it as a new beginning. A chance to be the person I am without hiding (more like repressing), and part of this was letting people in.
Ok i did it I told one of my friends from work whom I think I can trust. Felt good to let it out, his response was koodos for telling, and... u know my wife wont share my weiner. I had to say, no offense but ur not my type, and we joked about it for a min. So now im just gonna wait for awhile and c if he is real friend or not. Thx everyone for ur feedback, helped me a lot.
