Hey, just wanting some opinions. My opinion is that coming out isn't exactly something that SHOULD be done. I mean sexuality is just a preference, right? So what is it with the sitting people down to tell them you're into the same sex? I'm not saying this is my opinion as in, this is what I think should be done by everyone by the way. I am happy for the people who do come out to friends, family and colleagues. But the thing is I personally don't want to come out. I don't feel the need. If people find out at some point, so be it. But is it possible to find a real meaningful relationship this way? Is it possible to live your life this way? I'm 20, I've known I was into guys for a few years now, and I've been happy the way I am, but it seems that so much of the LGBT community is into the whole coming out thing? Perhaps this is for a reason I am not yet aware of? I mean I haven't dated a guy, I've only really had feelings for one. One, who made me realise those little fantasies I'd been having, since I was 13, the ones about other guys were actually something, not nothing. I mean never questioned them, nor paid them much attention until I fell in love with my best friend, my best friend who is also the only person who knows I like guys. Excluding people on this forum, a dating site and a couple of friends I met over the internet, who are soon to become my friends outside of the internet.
Maybe. Coming out isn't limited to pulling someone over, looking serious, and saying, "I'm gay." You can never say the words "I'm gay" and still come out without talking to anyone about your sexuality. You can flirt with guys. You can get a boyfriend. You can go to pride events and comment on how hot your waiter is. Eventually, people will get that you aren't straight. I consider this coming out as well, and you didn't have to do anything. You're just being yourself. Some people use the sit-down-and-talk method because they're pressured to. They can't keep it inside. They feel like they're hiding and lying every time someones says something that goes against their identity. Some people never feel this way, which is good, and yes, they don't have to pull someone over, sit them down, and talk, but they can't avoid coming out unless they deny and suppress their desires/identity. You said it yourself. Sexuality isn't who you are. You're much more than just a gay man. But, being gay is apart of you, just like how your race is apart of you, and what color hair you have is apart of you, and what you like to eat is apart of you. I don't think anyone comes out because they dislike eating cake, so why should gay people have to come out because they like their own gender? Although it's a rhetorical question, I'll answer it anyway: it's because of society. They still haven't really accepted homosexuality or anything else LGBT, but I think they will. They have to. So in the future, I think there will soon be no need to come out. At all. Not even indirectly.
behind some of those messages you see, they tell you that it's really your decision to "coming out the closet". each and every one of them have a different story and meaning behind it and it doesn't simply involve in sex. it's a sexuality of course but it also involves other things like relationships. it's not really anyone's business to know what you, me or anyone else in the internet, do behind the scenes and around the bed. you could do whatever you want to make yourself comfortable and suitable to your life, whether it's getting a boyfriend or going to lgbt events. a secret can only be kept for so long. sometimes people keep it repressed that they feel the need to express themselves about it. it's a part of you but it doesn't really mean that it needs to be. you don't need to follow the stereotpes. from what you're typing, you seem like you have everything down and firm. you already know who you are. it may not look like it, but people around your life will definitely think otherwise. they will think about the complete opposite, that you like women and definitely like to look at pussy and buttocks. you get into these conversation about it and i can definitely promise you that you will get annoyed about it at one point. we constantly have to hear straight people brag about what they like, that they have no hesitation in degrading ours. and it's not right. there are reasons why it may be important. i encourage you to give a lot of thoughts about it. there can be some pros and cons about it.
It actually doesn't bother me. I either agree or disagree or sometimes just tell my friends I don't want to know who they find hot when they point a woman out. It has never annoyed me though.
But what do you do in situations where the conversations brings up personal lives. It's natural in a social setting to chat about such things. Otherwise your purposely having to cover things up which is good for neither the mind or soul.
I respect what you're saying and everything but the clue is in the word for me. Personal lives. It's not a thing I found to be spoke about often anyway.
I understand where you are coming from but I don't agree. The fact of the matter is that the sort of things you would be hiding come up all the time--unless you decide not to let them. I mentioned in another thread that I tried to tally the number of times that my straight coworkers "outed" themselves as straight in the course of a workday. I'm in banking--it's not like we sit around all day talking about sex, but people mention their spouses, the people they are dating, they mention that they find people attractive, that sort of thing. I kept a post it note with little tick marks at my desk. I made it about two thirds of the way through the day before I gave up at 50! You can just never share anything about your life with the people around you. It is allowed and people may never think anything more than that you aren't very friendly. You can definitely never come out--people do it all the time. And maybe there are people who genuinely make their peace with it and we just never know. But there are tons of people who try and whose lives come apart at the seams from all the strain of living an inauthentic life. You can never come out--the one thing I will say is adjust your expectations concerning having any kind of serious relationship--no one with any kind of self esteem is going to want to build a life as your dirty little secret, and to be honest I don't think you should want that life for anyone you genuinely care about.
I agree with the 1st reply. You don't have to do anything just be yourself and if people figure it out or happen to ask then so be it. I don't think you have to sit everyone down and have the "talk" although the few people I personally came out to appreciated it, as a form of trust and closeness. I noticed that it's also easier for me to talk to friends to whom I came out to, and it's easier for them to talk to me too. Bottom line is as long as you don't try to pretend you're something that you're not, then I don't see why you HAVE to come out.
