Hi All, So I am pretty much running out of ideas on how to figure my crap out. I'm currently 26, from about 16 I have had thoughts about guys and its always been there. I did the normal thing, I dated girls and very occasionally had some male experiences. I enjoyed both. Eventually I decided to take the route with girls. I ended up being in a 8 year relationship. The first half was fairly normal despite us having a consistently poor sex life. This was mainly attributed to her having serious intimacy issues which surely didnt help my opinion of straight sex (as I wasnt having any). As the years went on, it became easier to justify thinking about men again, towards the end it was all I really focused on, going on gay porn primarily etc etc. Through this I never cheated, with a girl or guy for that matter. Eventually I ended up meeting a guy online and after a few weeks of talking I fell hard for him. We naively talked about meeting up (despite being 3000 miles apart) and the whole thing. Talked every day for about 2 months and eventually through this, I realized that not only was my relationship going nowhere, but I needed to test these feelings that had always been there. Mr online ended up not working out (go figure) but I ended the relationship anyways and said fuck it, I need to know. I went back on to the dating scene which was tough, met a nice guy and have been on a few dates. Since then I can confirm at the very least I enjoy the company of men. I realized however we have very little in common and its because of this I now feel like the last 3 months of being single and pursuing men has made me long for women again. I was recently abroad and tried my luck with dating from ****** which was just a series of bad experiences (flaking and sleazy guys) and I feel that has left a bad taste in my mouth. So I went online and started talking with girls and the nerves kicked in and the idea of actually meeting these people freaked me out. I am just so lost, so completely and utterly lost. I know nobody who can even slightly relate to my situation. I feel like every day my mind changes, my desires change and I cannot focus. While much of this can be attributed to the fact that after 7 years of being with someone I may just not be ready to date again for a while, but I just cannot decide what to do. My lack of intimacy which was with my first ever sexual partner has left my confidence dashed. While the dude I was/am dating has reassured me I am good, I feel like all my sexual encounters with the same woman which was awful, forced and unpleasant has totally messed me up. Sorry for the wall of text I just have absolutely no idea what to do anymore.
