My parents religious.... and homophobic.

When people become absorbed into religious dogma, it is hard for others who aren't to reason, or in some cases, even communicate with them in a logic-based manner. IF their homophobia is coming from religious beliefs, rather than social concerns ("what will people think" sort of self-shaming for them), then it will be difficult for you to try and change those beliefs into something more rational. This does NOT mean that you should be ashamed for not sharing them; they are choosing to do something irrational, not you; they are putting up the barriers to honest communication, not you. You want to tell them about who you are, but their beliefs are causing this problem and discouraging you from being open and honest.

You have not said how old you are, but are apparently still living at home and a student with the ability and desire to go to college. It may be that you are not able to come out to your parents at this time, even though you would like to and like for them to accept you as you are. You have to decide if your desire to come out so you can date other guys openly is strong enough to make you want to create the family turmoil caused by your parents' religious beliefs and homophobia. I know this situation is not fair for you, but sometimes that is the way the cookie crumbles. If you do decide to come out to them, I would recommend strongly that you include a viewing of "Prayers for Bobby" early in the process, so that your parents can be made to understand how religious dogma which is pursued into pressuring a gay child to "become" straight can be extremely stressful, with unpredictable consequences. Having some PFLAG literature available for them to read would also be a good idea if you take that route, to help explain to them how they should be acting as parents of a gay child.

My only other suggestion is to not sacrifice yourself and your self-identity long-term to please your parents or anyone else, if you decide not to come out to them now; in time you would grow to resent them for putting you in that position, which is not good for you or them. Good luck with your tough choices.

 

I totally understand... I was raised Baptist and I went through a phase where I believed I was Agnostic, and it crushed my dad.
It's so hard because you love them so much and everyone has that basic human need to feel loved and accepted, but you can't feel that way if you know your parents are so deeply upset by your life and beliefs. *HUGS*

 

I grew up like that myself. Blindly religious and ignorant household. It's get very hard but after awhile I got sick of pretending sick of agreeing sick of feeling like my life was not my own. I am still not out to my family but I don't try to please them all the time, I act like I want to I do what I want to, and for the first time in a very long time I am happy I smile a lot I enjoy life. I know it hurts them at times but if they can't see that I am happy then of well this is my life I will live it for myself. Good luck, know that I share your struggles and am here if you ever need to talk.

 

I know how that is. I was raised Christian by my parents and I always went to church. I'm mainly a good child, I don't get in trouble, and I have about a 3.5 GPA. However, when I tried to get them to see how the Bible could be mis-translated when it comes to the verses on homosexuality, they accused me of questioning God and my dad got really mad about it, so much to where he yelled at me for it It's like I was this bad person for having just one little different opinion than your parents and then accused me of being an atheist because of that. No, I'm not an atheist, but even if I was, my parents should still love and accept me, just as yours should. Sadly, they don't

The best thing to do in these situations is to just remind yourself every day that you are an amazing person, that you have done nothing wrong, and to look at all the wonderful things you've done in your lifetime - I find that usually helps my self-esteem and helps me not care about what my parents say - Thinking about that helps me to realize that what my parents say about me are wrong and I feel less bothered by it. It's hard to completely forget about what they say, but it's possible to not give them the power to overtake your life.

I know they are your parents and you are going to feel devastated that they don't approve of all of who you are, but honestly, in the end, they won't be there. Only you will. "One man for himself" is a really true saying. All you have is you in this life, so why not live it the way you want to? You have one life and I want you to live it with no regrets! Go out with that guy anyway, because it's your life. If you don't want to be secretive or live a double life as you say, well, I don't have much advice, but there's this video by JacelynGlenn on Youtube about coming out as an atheist or LGBTQ and it's really helpful, I think. Just be careful and if you think you'll be in danger of getting harmed/kicked out because of coming out, don't do it until you are not dependent on them anymore!

Good luck with everything!! I hope the best for you!! If you need anymore help, then let me know!

Oh, and here's the video: Coming Out To Your Parents - YouTube

 

That's really unfortunate that they act like that. You can't pretend to be someone you're not, believe in something you don't.

To be blunt I guess, if they can't love you for being who you are, they have a problem they need to solve for themselves. Let faith help them solve it or whatever Catholics do (I'm an atheist who was born into a Protestant family), but it is not your responsibility, nor is it possible, for you to make them understand something that they can't on their own. You're almost 18 from what your info says, so you're at the stage where you need to live for yourself and not for others. It's hard, but true. It's something I'm grappling with, while living at home with my parents still at 19...

After you graduate from high school, I'd tell them. If you're headed to college, it gives you less of a burden to be open to your feelings in college where it's usually a more accepting environment, plus if you're headed away from home, you won't be around your parents as often. It's hard to comprehend, I know. I'm going through the same rough patch as you with this issue today. I hope we both can find happiness and closure on the issue in telling our loved ones soon enough.

I wish you all the best man!