I was absolutely certain about my lesbianism until, surprise, I came out to my mom and she pretty much told me I was brainwashing myself. So now I can't know if I was right or if it was brainwashing, which means I can't be sure of my sexual orientation. All this was detailed in a thread in Support and Advice which I'm too lazy to look up right now. So... There's this guy (hey, look, that's the title!), and we'll call him Nick. I've known him literally all my life. He's gone through so much these years and so have I, and we stuck together all these years as best friends. He's beginning to look attractive to me. I don't know what to do about it. Because...he doesn't like me that way. I know it. Whenever anyone mentions anything about the two of us getting together, he says, "We've known each other too long." And it's true. But...here's the but. There's also this girl. Let's call her Cindy. She's beautiful and kind and intelligent and simply...perfect. We actually danced at a school dance last night, and she's a really good dancer. She and I have gotten a lot closer this year. She called me for the very first time today. I felt embarrassed for a second because when she said, "Hey, Mesk. This is Cindy," I said, "Hey!" in a tone that was probably too happy and eager. *sigh* I'm such an open book... The best part? I'm not sure if she's straight or not. The worst part? She lives in a town about an hour from me...and I can't drive yet. So I'm torn. I'm torn between my best friend who is, yes, a guy, and this girl whose sexual orientation I'm not sure of. I'm drawn to both. *sigh* So that's what happened while I was gone...Not sure of anything right now, am I?
*In an eerily similar situation* Let's start with the brainwashing, shall we? I actually went through the same thing not too long after I started realizing who I really am, only mine was self-imposed. In the past I'd always thought "hm, it would be pretty cool to be gay" then one day I suddenly started to realize "oh shit... I'm gay" so I started to wonder if I just *wanted* to be gay and I was somehow convincing myself that I was when actually I'm totally straight (and I also went through it again after I came out). I found to get through feeling like I was brain washing myself I had to spend some time with my thoughts. Leave your mother out of it, leave your inhibitions out of it, just let yourself feel. I found prayer/ meditation helped, although I don't know if you're into that or not. This might take time, but just be patient and open minded. There really is no rush to define yourself. And onto the boy... I am in pretty much the same situation exactly on this one (I actually posted a thread on it like... last night) Just because you have one boy crush doesn't automatically discount the idea that you are gay. Sexuality is fluid, and a think most people are a little more bi than they think. Again, he's like my brother and he says it would be weird if we dated which is true... except I'm falling for him Again, give it time. Work out your feelings, don't be concerned about labels. And if the opportunity presents itself to be with this boy, go for it. If not, enjoy your friendship, it's a special one. And the girl... Well, for starters I would find some way of finding out her orientation. Maybe you could try saying something about gay people or telling a story about a gay friend or something to see what she says? I can't be too much help on that one, sorry, my crushes have all been straight... Anyway, as far as her living a town away, I think you have to know her orientation and find out if there are really sparks before you worry about that too much. And feeling torn... My best advice here would be to give it time. See how things play out. Relax, figure out ways that work for you to deal with your feelings, and just see where life takes you. I wish you all the best ♥ I hope I was some help... I am dead tired here feel free to pm me if you need to talk ♥
i had a very similar situation myself. when you get a chance to talk to cindy, preferably in person, then ask her if she's gay. the only way you can be sure is to ask directly. if you arent ready to come out, tell her you were just curious, cause somebody mentioned something. as for this guy, i would just stay friends. i know it can be hard when you're attracted to a close friend, but the worst thing you can do is get closer. it will hurt too much later. think of him like a brother, you love him, but not as a partner.
Aww Meskelil, I can also really relate. I have had a lot of the same problems. I think silentsound gave some very sound advice (no pun intended!) Try to just be patient, because, at 16, you have such a lot of time to sort this all out (although I know it doesn't always feel that way). (*hug*)
