My Friends Are Objectionably Forcing My Coming Out

I have very brilliantly managed to get myself into quite an awkward situation - I have accidentally told one of my closest friends that I like someone, in front of all of my other friends, because she surprised me with the question and also because I subconsciously don't want to keep my secrets about my sexuality. Anyway, she and my other closest friend have now been drilling me to tell them who the person is. They are inconceivably pestilential about the whole matter.

First of all, I don't understand why they are so amused or concerned by the topic at hand. I really don't see how it is of such great substance for them to know whether I like anyone and if I do, whom. The whole matter seems frightfully ridiculous. It seems that teenagers in general are unreasonably fascinated by the concept of someone liking someone. Instead of being able to casually tell my friend that I like someone and then move on with her only saying "all right", they are all being so melodramatic.

Specifically, these two closest friends (and the others who are actually being discreet) allegedly have an indomitable need to find out whom I like, i.e. they are just that curious. They have been persuading me to tell them with nonsensical arguments along the lines of me being obliged to confide in them simply because we are close friends, of them needing to help me attract the girl in question so that I can actually enjoy having her as a girlfriend, of me undermining them as friends by not being able to trust them, of me needing to speak about things because keeping things bottled up is detrimental to one's psychological health, etc.

I don't know where they pulled all of this out from. Who pray tell told them that I need any help or that I am in "psychological turmoil" or whatever else? Also, I don't believe that I'm obligated to tell them anything just because we're friends - I wish I could rely on my specific judgment in deciding what to tell or not and them going along with it, i.e. respecting my choices (and boundaries, for that matter). Even if they do believe these things to an extent (i.e. that telling them would be beneficial for me and that I should be able to trust them), I have in the meantime clearly declared to them that I do not wish to disclose anything further and that they should back off. However, they won't accept that either.

They're behaving rather preposterously, I daresay, nagging for half an hour at a time (I just had a telephone conversation with one of the two friends that lasted an hour and seven minutes specifically about this issue). That's not how people should communicate, in my personal opinion. I believe that everyone should be able to express their opinion such that everything can be considered and ultimately an agreeable compromise can be attained. Nagging, on the other hand, doesn't seem to be a very effective method of interaction, let alone threats saying that they'll get cross with me because I'm "unfair".

Anyway, regardless of the specific nature of their unbecoming comportment, I am now at loss as to what I should tell them. Obviously, I could tell them to drop the matter more vehemently and terminate relations if they still won't comply, but that would be hardly effective - I don't wish to quarrel over such trivial matters. I suppose the remaining alternatives are telling various lies. Naturally, I could tell them the truth, i.e. who the boy I like is, but that would be detrimental in multiple ways.

First of all, whichever one of them I tell, she will likely react disagreeably, as they are all homophobic to various degrees. Second of all, even if I tell the less homophobic ones, none of them knows how to keep a secret, I presume, and the whole group will find out anyway (and in the meantime, the ones who found out later may be upset that they found out later). Anyway, once they have found out, they will probably want to distantiate themselves from me and begin to treat me more scornfully (I really don't know in what way exactly, as I've never seen them act in such a situation before; they might even shun me for all I know). Even if they don't harass me, I will lose respect from some, and some will consider me disgusting or maladroit or whatnot. Furthermore, every time I do something wrong, they will blame me for that and for being gay, so I will be overall more judged. From then on, just about everyone I know will find out, as these friends spread the "news" further, and there will be altogether a sufficient amount of homophobic people to harass me in various way or at least inconvenience me.

Now, on the telephone, my friend was trying to persuade me how I can tell only her, how she won't tell anybody, how she will try to help me with the matter in anyway possible, how she will try to make sure that the others don't bother me, etc. but she doesn't know what she's talking about because she's fixated on the notion that I harbor feelings for a girl rather than a boy. I hinted to her that there are additional circumstances she is not aware of, and she said that she can't imagine anything changing her mind, but I scarcely believe this, particularly, since the boy I am in love with is none other than her brother. Coincidentally, she was also just telling me about how she tells her brother everything.

On that note, the issue with the brother is that if he were to find out, he would both shun me and have his reputation scarred. I believe that he would shun me partly because he is also rather homophobic in general but mostly because he will feel personally offended, threatened and disgusted. I don't want to be shunned because I really value and enjoy the little attention I do get from him every now and then - I don't want to have that ruined. As for his reputation, if someone else finds out about my feelings for him, he will be labeled as the "gay bait", or something to that effect, and he will appear less respectable, I suppose. He will also probably alter his self-image slightly, i.e. feel that I have "marred" him, so to speak. I don't wish to cause him any inconvenience whatsoever, so I would be very disinclined to having anyone find out I like him specifically. In the meantime, quite ironically, my friend was just telling me on the phone how I have the right to like whomever I want and how no one should judge that. She also said that the person in question would be flattered - it would be a "plus" for her because my liking her would indirectly suggest that she is "worthy".

Anyway, bearing these problems with revealing the truth in mind, I come again to the possibility of lies. The most basic lie would be finding a random girl to incorporate into a cover-up story, as I've done in the past. However, I do not really wish to do anything such, as it would be unfair to the girl in question and I might compromise my relationship with her in vain. I suppose I could choose some random girl I barely know. I may still turn out rather idiotic because of it (should more people find out, herself included, that is), but at least I won't be harming any friendships.

Then again, I don't know if I will be able to pull of the lie very persuasively. I also wouldn't be able to explain a lot of things I've been referencing, such as "additional circumstances that need to be considered" or "others' prospective reactions of sheer horror". Actually, I told my friend we would meet somewhere tomorrow for me to finally tell her who I like and I told her that we should meet in some fully secluded place (such that no one could hear us we speak of how I'm gay and in love with her brother, should it come to that). If I just tell her that I like some perfectly commonplace girl, I don't see how my having insisted on such privacy would make sense. She might overlook all of these things - she doesn't appear to be very perceptive to begin with - but I still don't know how credible I'll end up seeming all in all.

As for alternative types of lies, I don't really what I could say. I could lie that I lied that I liked someone, but that would also seem nonsensical and annoy her. I could also add more details to the hypothetical lie about me liking some random girl, i.e. details to account for why I was so secretive and expected negative reactions, but I don't really have many ideas.

What do you suggest? Should I just tell my friends to, well... go to hell, should I tell the truth, or should I produce some convenient lie? Also, what do you think of my friends' behavior in terms of this situation in general (I know I criticized them quite self-righteously, but I'd be open to quite contrasting ideas nonetheless)? I don't even have much time to procure an ideal solution, as I already have to meet my friend tomorrow in the early afternoon.

P.S. If I gave off the impression that I actually dislike my friends, I had no intention of doing so - I do appreciate them and find them to be quite pleasurable and worthy company. It is simply that they are not ideal and that this is one of the cases where our views so happen to have clashed.

 

Thank you for the suggestions. I do agree that the most favorable option would indeed be saying and doing nothing and that ignoring all the pressure would make my friends give up, both from getting bored and from realizing that they're not getting anywhere. However, the problem is more or less that I've let the situation develop too far already - I should have set the boundaries with my friend on the phone yesterday (and earlier as well). I shouldn't have agreed to go meet her anywhere or anything of the sort - it would be difficult to blow her off now.

I suppose that my general problem is that I succumb to external pressure very easily, regardless of its sort. I find it difficult to stand my ground firmly because I feel uncomfortable opposing others and thus potentially aggravating, disappointing, or insulting them. Meanwhile, my friends have been ironically complaining that I'm a "tough nut to crack", simply because I wouldn't give in after the first few days...

 

I find this most suitable - thank you for the advice. Also, I think I have resolved the problem at this point.