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No Place To Go If Outed

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Saysay, Jun 27, 2014.

  1. Saysay

    Regular Member

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    I am not sure what to do about my situation. I am a graduate student that moved back home because I ran out of money, so now I commute to school. Enough people know about me on campus that I am afraid it will travel back to my family, but if that happens I don't know where I will go.

    I have acquaintances on campus that I see and talk to in the hallways, but no close friends or anybody I see when I am away from campus. I don't really have a backup plan if I am outed and get kicked out. The university doesn't have any on-campus residence for graduate students, no funding, and I am barely paying for tuition and gas with my loans and grants. There is no way I could afford my own place if I was kicked out. I'm afraid I will end up homeless again, which is what ended up happening when I moved away from home the first time and didn't want to go back.

    There's just so many people that have heard about me being gay that I can't imagine I can keep it a secret from my family for too much longer. And I can't imagine he wouldn't kick me out. He has said many times before that he thinks gays deserve the death penalty, that Hurricane Katrina was our fault, and he gets like red-in-the-face angry with gay characters on tv shows.

    I've Googled shelters, but the only ones I see are for LGBTQI youth, not adults. I realize it is kind of pathetic that in my twenties I am in this situation, but I'm just deathly afraid of being homeless again.
     
  2. gman025726

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    Location:
    Motherf**kin Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I'm am so sorry you have to go through this! Do you have any friends or extended family you can stay with?
     
  3. DancingGirl

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    If you live in a city. Check around at your local food co-op. Folks there usually know about cheap shared housing where even the food is payed for in the rent. I have found earth loving people are very open minded.
    Maybe check with the local LGBT center too. Maybe you already did that but it is the only thing I can think of.
    I hope you find safety. I will keep trying to think of ideas. Good luck. We are here for you.
     
  4. Saysay

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    No, most of my friends from the other state I lived in have fallen out of contact once I got clean and sober and returned to university. I doubt I could find any of them, and even if I did I'm not sure it would be a good idea - I am afraid I would break my two years clean and sober. And one side of my extended family is alienated from my family due to my father's religious beliefs, I haven't seen any of them in at least 15 years and don't know where they even are. The other side of the family all have the same kind of worldview.

    The nearest city is a couple hours away, but I can start looking at co-ops. I'm not really sure what that is, but I can Google it. Most of the LGBT shelters I have found online within a few hours are all youth-oriented, so someone in their twenties isn't allowed to stay. The town I commute to for school is really conservative and southern, to the point where they only have one free clinic in the whole town. There's no gay bar, safespace bookstores, or anything as far as I know. Even in the nearest real city, the only LGBT shelters I can ever find online are for youth only.
     
  5. asdfghjk

    asdfghjk Guest

    Worst case, is there a regular shelter? Womens shelter you could use? Do you have any money left for some kind of cheap sublet on craigslist? Hostels? Worst worst case, live out of car and use school showers until you can get a PT or even FT job? :/ Im sorry your dad is an ass. Good luck.
     
  6. Saysay

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    I don't know of any regular shelters in my school town, but I might be able to live out of my car and use the school showers. I have a couple months of car insurance paid, so that might be doable. I'll just have to find a place on campus where they wouldn't mind a car being parked overnight. So yeah, that might work.
     
  7. calgary

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    Hey, Sorry to hear about your current situation. How much longer do you have in school? It sounds stressful situation your in. I'm not sure how out your are to people. But it's been my experience even your parents hear rumours from people about you, they are more likely to believe you if you deny it. People tend to believe the lies they want to believe in. Unless they hear from someone they deem credible. As much as being in the closet sucks (and not in the good way) it might be your best option till your done school.
     
  8. DancingGirl

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    Wow. You really are in a tight spot. Food co-ops are like natural health food stores that sell local foods and stuff in bulk. Not sure if you will have any of those in your area. Usually hippie type towns have them. If you find one make friends. They are great people. I had meant a resource center not a shelter. They may be able to offer help. Did you ask a the youth shelters if they had any recommendations? They may not be able to help but might know of someplace that can. Check into housing resource centers too. They sometimes have help for adults struggling for housing while going to school. I have you in my thoughts hoping you find something that works. Be well.
     
  9. Yossarian

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    If your father is stupid and heartless enough to throw you out, you might have to take a break from school, get a full time job, and save up some money to go back full time. Schools are usually pretty sympathetic and cooperative about this kind of thing, and may be able to find some work for you that you can continue your education part time.

    The important thing to do is ... nothing for now. Don't freak out; concentrate on your studies instead of dating. Grad school doesn't take that long, and you need to spend most of your time studying, not with a steady boyfriend. If your parents don't see you dating another man, it is unlikely that they will hear anything about you being gay, as long as you don't say anything yourself. After all, your father is stupid enough to have the attitude he has; maybe he is stupid enough to not realize he has a gay son living under his roof; smart and sensitive parents usually "know" when their kids are gay. Maybe he knows and is just blowing off steam telling you indirectly that he doesn't like it, because he can't do anything about it. Neither can you.