There are some people who I pretend to be a straight around...and like to pretend to be straight. There are other times when I want to tell these people but then I know they might tell my mom and that is a whole other thing I don't want to get into but am thinking about coming out soon. I don't know why it just I like having some people I'm not out to like not close friends but distant friends. Is this weird?
How does one pretend to be straight? Just like, pretending to like girls even though you don't/pretending you're not into guys, even though you are? If that's what you mean, then I think I can see why that would be nice once and a while. It means not having to have hard/awkward conversations or be the odd one out in a group of straight people. It means not having to worry, like you said, that they might tell someone you're not ready to tell... But also, (this is what I felt like, but maybe you feel differently) just because pretending to be straight makes things simple for the time being, it still kinda sucks. For me it meant that I had to be constantly on my guard to say the wrong thing, that I had to pretend to care when my straight female friends were talking about sex with guys, etc. It didn't feel good to have to be constantly aware of whether I was being too "me" or not and at times it meant outright lying to people, which goes against my personal integrity to a degree that I am not comfortable with. Plus, as much as it was nice to 'belong' by pretending I was just like everyone else, I never really did belong. As hard as I pretended, I never ever actually was the same as 'everyone else' (i.e. all my straight friends). It's exhausting, tbh. But I definitely see why it would be nice to have things be simple and let people assume I'm straight for a bit.
